I told myself I wasn’t gonna make a post about the Octo-Mommy. I stopped making jokes in my head that no amount of kegel exercises would ever return her to what once was. And this was before I heard she was a husbandless jobless Angelina Jolie lip injection freak of nature. OK maybe that was a little too harsh. But you get my drift.
Today I wake up and catch a 5 second news clip reporting Octo-Mommy’s been offered 1.5M to shoot a porno. My initial thought, you don’t want to know my initial thought but my second thought was you can’t keep a good media whore down. For that matter you can’t keep a whore of any nature down but that’s a whole other post altogether.
Octo-Mommy’s been running the media circuits like a washed-up child actor trying to rekindle the flame. It wasn’t enough to fade into the background after birthing a litter? To some degree the scrutiny this test tube miracle’s produced is 100% her fault (I mean how often do we actually see assembly line-ish deliveries?). The other half of the blame falls with the American public who love to squeeze a lemon until the last bit of sour juice seeps out.
Yes yes us Americans loves us some gossip!For some unknown reason we feel it’s our duty to uncover her naughty life secrets as if she doesn’t deserve a shred of privacy. And I guess since she opened wide and exposed the family jewels; so to speak, in some odd way by digging up her dirt we’re giving her exactly what she wants, to feel important and cared about. She’s obviously suffering from some mental condition
(BPS- Birth a Pack Syndrome) that’s fueling this un-natural pre-occupation with having children.
It boggles the mind that a sane person, relatively speaking, thinks raising 14 children (some of which are mentally impaired) with no money outside of the tax-payer dollars is a good idea. Somewhere there’s a screw loose folks. Which brings me to my point (I know sometimes it takes me a minute to get there) what doctor in his right mind actually thought helping a jobless single mother sucking off the government’s tit mass produce kids was sheer brilliance? Now it seems not only is Octo-Mommy a stark raving mad lunatic her neo-natal team are a bunch of mad scientists as well. If irresponsibility ever had a face this group of people would be poster children.
All jokes aside isn’t there a screening process for IVF? In my previous post about
Egg Donation I ranted about the “process” of becoming just an egg donor. With donation you don’t even have any hands on contact with the kiddies you just pass your DNA in egg form over to a wanting family. And in order to provide the gift o’ life there’s a ridonkulous Fort Knox level staged screening process before you’re even considered a half decent candidate. Whack-jobs just don’t make the last leg of the race.
However, this seems quite the opposite, someone’s turned the process on it’s ass and let any ole podunk chick pop out multiple bundles of cuddly joy. Don’t get me wrong I’m not trying to cock block anyone’s reproductive rights but come on there’s gotta be a limit. In her prior state 6 seems irresponsible but 14 enters the territory of, ARE YOU SMOKING CRACK?
I personally nominate that as the first question before anyone else mounts the stirrups!
Model Friend confirmed with one e-mail the recession is alive and kicking. Yesterday she sent me
this link which outlines the increase in both applicants for sperm and egg donors.
Unbeknown to me there's actually a never ending selection process ripe with gyno, psycho and general medical prodding. Not just anyone can fill a petri dish. Well not unbeknown really because I knew on the female side of the house there was a bit of a checklist but folks saying the alphabet backwards drunk sounds easier than making the list. It's definitely an exclusive club.
Basically when they said checklist you know I thought a checklist sort of like:
- Never been to prison
- STI free
- No known genetic disorders
- In basic good health
- Never stalked an ex boyfriend and thrown a brick through his patio window (did I take that one too far)
You get my drift. Overall you need to be a healthy person both physically and mentally. After googling this a bit more because I am by nature curious I've found that the process is just that, a freaking process. I mean these egg seekers get all in your business CIA style. And it's not just you they're concerned with. They take the selection a step further and want to know the color of your family's undies too. Precautions I guess.
To protect both giver and getter from the ramifications of swapping DNA all willy nilly, it's probably best to get down to the granular level. Outside of taking countless tests to make sure you don't even have a odd shaped mole the applicant must undergo psychological counseling to verify she's competent to release her eggs to another. God forbid she has a case of givers remorse. This type of transaction ain't easily reversed.
Not to mention that once you're selected a rendezvous' scheduled immediately for your eggs and unable to conceive's husband's funky spunk. My assumption, eggs much like swimmers have a 72hr shelf life. After the magic happens you can't go ape shit and ask for your goods back, hence the FBI screening process.
It works well to weed out the faint at heart. Of course not much deters money hungry loons (hello 10k a pop if you're chosen and we are in a recession). Not to mention harvesting eggs hurts like a mother, or so I hear. Ladies think PMS times 10 and who really wants that possessed as demon woman walking the streets. A lot of women take leave from work or school to deal with the fall out. There's also that piece about injecting yourself with hormones, oh that's not going down for me.
Doesn't this whole thing sound slanted. Guys pop in grab a cup take a magazine saunter to the back room and 1-2 minutes later (depending on the gent) hand over a...uh specimen. Instead of the Odyssey of questions here's the entire selection process to rub one off:
- Healthy, 20 to 39 year old individuals of all ethnic origins
- One year of university level education
- Non-smoker
- Able to participate for at least one year
I'm sure the bank is overflowing with applicants these days. But who can blame them it's not like it's hard work and we are in a recession. My guess is that a lot of women are willing to undergo the physical, sexual and emotional health root canal at the chance to pocket ten grand.
Did I forget to mention we're in a recession!
Oh and I must not forget if you've been a prostitute in the last five years you're not eligible to donate your eggs....always trying to keep a ho down!
