Side note: the title sounds a lot better when you insert Future Husband’s name but you know anonymity and all.
OK this deserves a little bit of a disclaimer. Blog Friends I am doing a little switch-a-roo here. Instead of my weekly rant I am going to hit you with a bit of poetry. This is an even deeper glimpse into my inner workings so enter at your own risk. Side note I am not a poet by nature but I dabble a bit, if you don’t like it don’t worry I will return to my regularly scheduled shenanigans tomorrow with the Week in Review.
This is the poem I wrote shortly after the final break up with Future Husband. Consider this growth or I’m just lazy and can’t find something to rant about right now, whatever floats your boat.
Thoughts in Future Husband Minor©
i met him with eyes
that spoke before mouths
had a chance to catch the words
and we were introduced
with window images of our past
helping to fuse a future that could not be.
i wanted to love him
with finger tips that graze lips
before they kiss
and tug on heart strings
creating a frenzied vibration
a pit-pat staccato rhythm
and we were singing
with voices that filled silent rooms
our own hip hop beat
that carried us nightly.
i wanted to know him…
with omniscience since inception
from a dad’s seed to a mom’s womb
from a babe’s feeble wobble to a man’s stride.
and we were walking
down uncharted paths with no directions
up hills and down valleys
looking for answers to questions we didn’t know we had
about each other and ourselves
about love and about life
posed to those who walked before us
but they were broken
disenchanted nomads hoping
from place to person
from person to place
on a journey with no path.
i wanted to write him
into the chapters of my life
so my book was a fairytale instead of a nightmare
so i’d kissed frogs and found a prince with a majestic stallion….
and we were searching
and we were reaching
and we were pushing
and we were pulling
and we were sewing
but there wasn’t enough thread to build our quilt
enough fabric to drape ourselves from the outside
it crept through the creases
unraveling our newly sewn pattern
splitting the ends almost to the beginnings
so we were left, where we started…
an unfinished masterpiece that never was
i met him with eyes…eyes with him met i
Summer remmuS ©
Summer begins with the jingle jangle
of Mr. Softie's truck delivering the
sticky taste of sweet melody
watching tight bodies
washing hoop-dees
us is good.
Mom and Pop vendors
here today and gone the next
give us the first taste of frozen
heaven
water ice
red
with a mustard pretzel.
Sun beating on chocolate skins
kingball courts etched with chalk
on pot holed streets
rug rats snaking past meddlin' in
grown folk busy-ness.
Spring-time love blossoms into
Summer time lust.
Humid observations of bare chests and exposed breasts
Corner boys lookin good but dangerous
in their robot fashions
I smile
"Damn shorty it's like that?"
I smile
Eyes lost on my body
I smile,
object of their desire
sparked by sticky heat
sultry yearnings deep within
tight air
spilling in everyone.
Sun beating on tiny black drops
playing pole ball.
Honey chocolate girls bounce to and fro
with each swing
of the clothesline rope
"You stepped on the ends..."
But these ends need beginnings.
Soul's Mate ©
I'm lost
in an ocean of thoughts
of a man I've always loved
bounded in time
between when I did and didn't
I drown in his memory
even before I was aware
his name's been etched on my heart
birthed with a corner specifically
structured for him
owned by him
filled by no other
replaced by none
and sometimes I wonder
if the eyes of others
are mirrors to their souls
the way my eyes tell my story
If true
buried below a glowing smile
sits caged love
trapped as a clipped winged Angel
dying to soar
and I've never spoken my heart's voice
a lesson unlearned
in life's classroom
leaving me suffocating beneath
an unspoken heart
craving words to speak it's thoughts
and his ears to receive its words
His memory creeps between
the halls of my mind
once the walls of my heart
Cave in
Tapping on the bridge of my thoughts
leaping to my lips to scream
incomprehensible words
of a love that' lost
sitting inches away
but outside my reach
cause time moves forward
not in reverse
so my mind's pictures
are photographs of yesterday
that I can't have tomorrow
and as it's written it's done
making my past with him
a collection of
firsts, lasts, joys, wins and loses
yet,
his face remains clear
and I still see his eyes
chestnut passageways to his innocence
smoothed beneath machismo
still taste the lightest hint
of strawberry daiquiri
wetting his lips
still feel goose bumps emerge
on skin grazed by his hands
and I wake
cause it's a dream
my mind unconsciously
unraveling reality
I wake
to his absence
praying I stole him from a snap-shot of the past
but he's gone
my soul's mate
loose among a public
where he'll learn
to love someone else
less......
comfortably
Time Apart ©
Nothing feels the same when I'm with you
kind of like we're strangers
yeah strangers now
only friends in passing
who speak of each other
in past tense
like..I remember when or
back when we we're together...
up late nights
talking, laughing, planning
planning happily ever afters
and simple things like summer vacations
and walks in the park, and birthday parties
and what looks best with your favorite shirt...maybe me in your favorite shirt
yet nothing feels the same when I'm with you
maybe I'm sick of you
or you're sick of me
and words spoken
in the heat of the moment
were taken too seriously
because when our love was new
it was less complicated
less pieces to make the puzzle complete
but maybe we need time
time to grow together apart
time to grow apart together
time to realize
what was before our eyes
within our grasps
and in our reach
was love
yet nothing feels the same when I'm with you
and this
up & down sea saw motion relationship....together apart
stabs like seeing you with your ex
that should be me
it was written
in our book on the page near the wedding
so I can't seem to get
my mind around
an idea my heart can't accept
we're not together
no we're not together now
cause nothing feels the same when I'm with you
and that's the key
we need time apart
before us can be we.
Still I Rise©
You may write me down in history
With your bitter, twisted lies,
You may trod me in the very dirt
But still, like dust, I'll rise.
Does my sassiness upset you?
Why are you beset with gloom?
'Cause I walk like I've got oil wells
Pumping in my living room.
Just like moons and like suns,
With the certainty of tides,
Just like hopes springing high,
Still I'll rise.
Did you want to see me broken?
Bowed head and lowered eyes?
Shoulders falling down like teardrops.
Weakened by my soulful cries.
Does my haughtiness offend you?
Don't you take it awful hard
'Cause I laugh like I've got gold mines
Diggin' in my own back yard.
You may shoot me with your words,
You may cut me with your eyes,
You may kill me with your hatefulness,
But still, like air, I'll rise.
Does my sexiness upset you?
Does it come as a surprise
That I dance like I've got diamonds
At the meeting of my thighs?
Out of the huts of history's shame
I rise
Up from a past that's rooted in pain
I rise
I'm a black ocean, leaping and wide,
Welling and swelling I bear in the tide.
Leaving behind nights of terror and fear
I rise
Into a daybreak that's wondrously clear
I rise
Bringing the gifts that my ancestors gave,
I am the dream and the hope of the slave.
I rise
I rise
I rise.
Maya Angelou
I am challenging myself to write every day minus weekends. To help myself over the writers block hump, you know cause my life just ain't always kicks and giggles and my nurse friend said I couldn't write about her penis fracture dude, I am implementing the Thursday Poetry Corner. In the Poetry Corner I will showcase some of my very own diddies and poetry from writers I truly enjoy for every one's benefit. Dare I say this adds a little grownupness (yup my word) to the blog. Anyway if you don't like it lump it!Autobiographical ©
Born: Anywhere but where I am
1981
Through the screaming lips of woman
Too young for childhood
Just old enough for marriage
There I is, alive
Fighting air for a taste of life
1981
Innocence born to die
Tasting freedom with whipped cream fingertips
Lost in sugary sweets
A childhood yearning to touch grownfolk
Still caught in jump rope games
And hop scotch courts
Scared of green monsters and under wire bras
1981
Too pale to be brown too light to be black
California sun-kissed sandy brown locks
On a nappy black head
Cornrows planted to a toffee scalp in 2 plaits
1981
Her tongue ain't right
She ain't dressed quite like
Her hip-hop swaggered be-bop pals
She's lost in the other
Screamin to be let out....black
1981
Trapped in a bar-less cage
Of trophies, awards and plaques
Cause she's expected to be not one of the best
But the best
Too smart to be the one carrying the torch
See...that's a job for the other
1981
Her mistakes are correct
And arrogance is gold
No one stops her prideful stride
STOP
Faced with a powder white reality....she adapts
But life freezes
Incapable of loving with a
Shattered heart lost way back
When her hips were less round
And her breast were toned down
Hiding in a sports bra
1981
Men love her body now
Wrapping themselves in suicidal curves
Missing the most important beat
It trumpeted past them
While they were more concerned with the curve of her seat
1981
A dead memory lost
To a cold basement floor
Cherry red burst
Left feeling soiled, unclean and used
All for the price of cafe mocha and a front row seat
"This play is amazing"
1981
Who knew she'd reach the point
When all she wanted was peace
Beyond the talking lips spouting
Dangling promises
Unattended....forgotten....blown away and tossed
To rabid dogs
Who chewed and spit her out
Tasting bitterly what life is all about
1981
Swallowed the lesson friendship
Spit up a pit
Realizing them berries are in your life for a reason or a season
They ain't their face
1981.........
Side note: the title sounds a lot better when you insert Future Husband’s name but you know anonymity and all.
