A Quarter Life Crisis

What is a racial opportunist who seeks racial authenticity? Does President Obama fit the bill? Honestly I don’t know for sure because I am not 100 (this is slang it means sure, carry on) about what it really means. On a side note I do enjoy when people string together catchy phrases like these but I love it more when said person can explain it without going semi ape-shit. With that said you should check out the clip from the Today Show above it will shed some light on the post to follow.

Unfortunately the clip cuts off at the end and you don’t get to see Matt give Malkin the stank eye, which I thought was hysterical and had me laughing all the way to work…classic Lauer. I used to heart him when he had hair…I mean one morning Matt was finer than a glass of wine and the next day he was bald, WTF? Sorry I went on a small tangent.

Anywho, let me back track and say that after graduating from SJU I stopped having race conversations. It always gets out of hand and no one walks away feeling kum bah yahish instead everyone is agitated and I don’t like Agitation all that much. She’s an ugly biotch.

Here are a few reasons why I stopped knocking on Agitation’s door. One because I learned that a bigot will be a bigot until the cows come home, some people are bred badly. It takes a mighty big wind to change the direction of the storm and I don’t have wind machines at my disposal so I pick and choose my battles. And two, race much like religion and politics is divisive. Race clears a room faster than a whore can run out of Sunday school, figuratively speaking.

Amongst friends I share my little racial tidbits but even there I like to keep a tight lip because well I don’t enjoy going there anymore. I’d much rather talk about artificially inseminating rabid leopards or the joys of watching paint dry. (You get where I’m going with that I’m sure.)

But back to the matter at hand shall we. Was Barack wrong for saying he thought the Cambridge Police Dept acted stupidly, let me see…NO! Yep I said it dang it and I meant it. Let’s remove the elephant in the pinstripe suit from the room for a minute if a police officer arrests someone in his own home after he proves that he is not the burglar his neighbor thought she saw breaking into his home that smells a little stupid to me. Maybe I’m wrong.

It’s very possible I am wrong seeing I have no legal background whatsoever besides those four years of criminal justice learnings they gave me at SJU.

Alright I’m letting the pinstriped elephant back in but only briefly because he’s uncomfortable to look at. Do I understand Harvard Dude’s anger (yes I do). It gets real old real quick when you are accused of something for no other reason besides your skin color. (Trust it is not something you get used to and every time it happens it f*cks up your day) Sorry folks it just does. You know like when I went to purchase a Gucci bag from Saks (granted I was dressed very un-Saks like, what my fur coat was in the cleaners sue me!) and security was called to watch me shop. (This is ass biting I mean if I had a wedgie I now had an audience.) Maybe Harvard Dude jumped to an unreasonable conclusion….he might have been wrong…and he might have been right.

Unfortunately, we (general public) will never know because believe it or not neither one of their stories, Harvard Dude or Cambridge Cop is 100 (this is slang it means accurate, carry on). Yup I said it. (This might come as a news flash to some but people lie…I know it’s hard to believe…and here’s the topper Police lie too because guess what before they are cops they are people.) Not that I am calling either one of them liars because I believe each told his true perception of the situation. But that’s the kicker folks it’s a perception of the events not the actual events. Take for instance that the police report read that the 911 caller said two black men were possibly breaking into the home….transcript clears up this PERCEPTION as the caller never mentioned race until prompted and when she did she said she thought one of them (suspected burglars) could be Hispanic.

See that Perception is a sneaky little son of female pooch in heat!

It’s a clear case of cooler heads needed to prevail. Harvard Dude probably shouldn’t have spouted off at the mouth just because he felt some type (this is slang it means disrespected, carry on), assumed or real, and Cambridge Cop probably shouldn’t have arrested an old man who walks with a cane inside of his proven residence…it’s really that simple. The Pres probably should have kept his color commentary to a minimum and only in private said you know that was some shit, pushed it off and solved this here health care crisis. IDK those are just a few of my thoughts.

And to address the initial statement…racial opportunist seeking racial authenticity…that is just balls out dumb. If you want you can tell Michelle Malkin I said it. For one she makes the assumption that in order to belong to a race there is some sort of challenge of color. Hello I was born black no one had me fill out a questionnaire I’m sure the same rules apply for being white although I could be wrong…silly backwards broad. Second chica needs to get herself a dictionary (judging by her wardrobe she can afford it) opportunistic implies that someone derives personal benefit from a particular situation and that benefit is earned unethically…if I were to paraphrase dictionary.com and I am. Explain what type of racial benefit or any other benefit the Pres gets from making a rash statement like that….none and on top of that now he has to buy these two morons a beer and answer the ridonkulous question of whether he is racist.

Seriously Barack racist….I guess he wakes up in the morning and screams I hate you to half of his face.

Clearly I need to have some odd ball race issue happen to me and I will be one step closer to smelling Obama’s cologne. Oops did I say that out loud. Please no one secretly slip the First Lady my blog address, she might send the secret service after me.

Ok folks this was a little winded but I am now off the soapbox and Michelle Malkin, kick rocks…she’s a snippy little biotch isn’t she?

Did I mention I don’t like race talk…this is the last time…I hope!

Don't get me wrong I am way on team Barack but does it ever seem like he's a rock star? Not in the trash pricey hotel rooms rock star kinda way but in that inspire a generation type of way. He's got a Bono-esque appeal about himself. I'll admit while I never listened to a Bono song in it's entirety when he gets up and starts going on about going green and the starving kids in Africa for some reasons I'm all ears. Barack houses that same magic. When he steps on stage whether you love him or hate him you want to listen. Maybe it's just me I do have an adult crush on the man.

Michelle I am working on my issues, don't worry the secret service probably already have my picture.

But I'm not deluded either. I recognize that Barack while uber scrumptious intelligent is just a man. He's not packing a pocket of fairy dust and today after he takes the walk all will be calm and settled with the world. It took us a long time to get into the hole and it's gonna take even longer (my novice opinion) to get out.

We mustn't messiah-tize Obama and think that with a finger snap broken will be fixed. This ain't the movies kids. And while some days I wish it were, you know cause they can cast Sanaa Lathan to play me in the big screen adaptation of this is my life, there isn't always a dashing knight rushing in to rescue the damsel in distress. Outside in the real world damsels must tighten their boot straps and wrestle through the murk along side the knight. No one's getting a get out of jail free pass these days. Folks hit the hardest by this hole lost fathers and brothers and sisters and uncles and aunts and cousins not just a job.

Don't get me wrong there is hope. I like to think that Barack is a perfect symbol of perseverance and determination. I won't tell a t-waddy (lie) in my lifetime I never imagined seeing a black president. It's true! My experience taught me that feat was an impossibility. But that goes to show what self induced limitations can do for a person or group for that matter. With an overjoyed mind and heart bursting at the seems I watched this nation elect Barack Obama. The moment was priceless and memorialized with a tear that I let slip down my cheek in front of friends (you know it had to be touching cause I don't cry in front of anyone).

But do you know what the bigger shining light is, the thing that makes today even more heart warming....I will never have to refer to Dub-ya as my president again in life. See-ya lata frenemy with your Texas twang and your moronic stare.

How about chewing on these Bushisms:

"How can you possibly have an international agreement that's effective unless countries like China and India are not full participants?" --George W. Bush, Camp David, April 19, 2008

"Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB/GYN's aren't able to practice their love with women all across the country."


Rock on Barack, Rock on!