A Quarter Life Crisis

Model Friend confirmed with one e-mail the recession is alive and kicking. Yesterday she sent me this link which outlines the increase in both applicants for sperm and egg donors.

Unbeknown to me there's actually a never ending selection process ripe with gyno, psycho and general medical prodding. Not just anyone can fill a petri dish. Well not unbeknown really because I knew on the female side of the house there was a bit of a checklist but folks saying the alphabet backwards drunk sounds easier than making the list. It's definitely an exclusive club.

Basically when they said checklist you know I thought a checklist sort of like:

• Never been to prison
• STI free
• No known genetic disorders
• In basic good health
• Never stalked an ex boyfriend and thrown a brick through his patio window (did I take that one too far)

You get my drift. Overall you need to be a healthy person both physically and mentally. After googling this a bit more because I am by nature curious I've found that the process is just that, a freaking process. I mean these egg seekers get all in your business CIA style. And it's not just you they're concerned with. They take the selection a step further and want to know the color of your family's undies too. Precautions I guess.

To protect both giver and getter from the ramifications of swapping DNA all willy nilly, it's probably best to get down to the granular level. Outside of taking countless tests to make sure you don't even have a odd shaped mole the applicant must undergo psychological counseling to verify she's competent to release her eggs to another. God forbid she has a case of givers remorse. This type of transaction ain't easily reversed.

Not to mention that once you're selected a rendezvous' scheduled immediately for your eggs and unable to conceive's husband's funky spunk. My assumption, eggs much like swimmers have a 72hr shelf life. After the magic happens you can't go ape shit and ask for your goods back, hence the FBI screening process.

It works well to weed out the faint at heart. Of course not much deters money hungry loons (hello 10k a pop if you're chosen and we are in a recession). Not to mention harvesting eggs hurts like a mother, or so I hear. Ladies think PMS times 10 and who really wants that possessed as demon woman walking the streets. A lot of women take leave from work or school to deal with the fall out. There's also that piece about injecting yourself with hormones, oh that's not going down for me.

Doesn't this whole thing sound slanted. Guys pop in grab a cup take a magazine saunter to the back room and 1-2 minutes later (depending on the gent) hand over a...uh specimen. Instead of the Odyssey of questions here's the entire selection process to rub one off:

• Healthy, 20 to 39 year old individuals of all ethnic origins
• One year of university level education
• Non-smoker
• Able to participate for at least one year

I'm sure the bank is overflowing with applicants these days. But who can blame them it's not like it's hard work and we are in a recession. My guess is that a lot of women are willing to undergo the physical, sexual and emotional health root canal at the chance to pocket ten grand.

Did I forget to mention we're in a recession!

Oh and I must not forget if you've been a prostitute in the last five years you're not eligible to donate your eggs....always trying to keep a ho down!