A Quarter Life Crisis

Rants With Atmosphere!!!

Weekly Rant: A Letter to Mother Nature

So there are some things I need to get off my chest.

Dear Mother Nature,

This I’m sure comes as no surprise, you’re a biotych. Sorry that’s probably not the best way to start a greeting but it is what it is.

Riding the crimson wave are we?.

I slave hours at work in the actual office even giving up some of my personal home time during wonderfully cloudless rainless days. The moment I attempt to steal my life back you decide to act all types of shifty. It’s really not appreciated. If you have a manager I would like to speak with him/her.

Understandably we can’t have blue skies every day of the week. Honestly I’m not even asking for that because it doesn’t always suit my mood. What I am requesting cut me some freaking slack on my vacation. WTH! You’ve known about these plans for months now and this I know because you and the Man Upstairs share similar living spaces so this didn’t blind side you in any way. You were given advance notice and should have planned your Weather Forecast accordingly.

Granted you treated me to stupenderful weather during my staycation which I would gladly swap for my actual leaving town vacation to Miami. For that I guess I should say thanks, however I’m not. What I wanted was you know fun in the sun, which doesn’t look like it will happen. Luckily your panties aren’t so far up your arse that you called Ms. Hurricane. If so this letter would be much nastier. At the same time it’s not unlike you to stoop to the lower levels of bioytch-ness and pull Mr. Tropical Storm out of your hat. Trust I have my eye on you.

Not sure where your customer’s relations department is but when I find it believe me this will get mailed.

Oh and I’d also like to thank you for the flying courtesy. Yeah thank s a whole effing lot. It wasn’t bad enough you invited Rain to my party (literally) now you’re also thinking about Thunder Storm as well. Come now what have I ever done to you? Ok I littered but that was in my past. I’m definitely on the going green wagon these days. My car is almost hybrid…well not really but its fuel efficient.

And lastly I would like to throw up in your punch for what you’re doing to my hair. Oh yeah don’t think I forgot. You stole the loveliness that is my locks. And yeah it hurt my feelings…a lot. Your cousin, Rain hijacked my luster and that wench Humidity I can’t even begin to talk about what that hooker did. Just know that if I catch either one of them in the street, it won’t be pretty. And that’s not a threat it’s a promise!

Regards,

8 Pardon My French:

mr. nichols said...

And this is one post is one of the many reasons I am an unabashed fan on this blog. So many hysterical moments in this one. The manager comment had me dying. The "living spaces" line.

"And lastly I would like to throw up in your punch for what you’re doing to my hair."

Classic. Whoever's not up on this blog is missing out for real.

True2me said...

LMAO..funny..

ettarose said...

Oh there are so many things here that would be awesome on a Hallmark card. What a hilarious post. Keep it up.

ReformingGeek said...

Very funny. I hope your letter does some good.

I find that Mother Nature has way too many family members. Let's get someone to take care of them. hehe

Jenn Thorson said...

While I agree with you about the irrational 'tude of Mom Nature, you really expected to have good hair in Miami?

Miami is perfectly designed to ruin the hair of every hair type of every visitor that graces its shores. It's got humidity that frizzes half the world and moisture to droop the other half.

There is no win.

DC DIVA DATING ADVENTURES said...

I think that's why my Mom wears wigs...and she has a full head of hair...

but the worse is riding the Crimson Tide while on vacay...

I'm getting flashbacks to my not so lovely time in Miami last year...

Damn, I wonder if it's the curese of Miami come to think of it.

No crimson waves in Jamaica!!!

Chaotically Calm said...

@Mr. Nichols, thx Mother Nature must have received the message because we had great weather during the trip.

And I like to repay the favor you and your wife's blogs are two of my new faves!

@True, glad I could make you chuckle.

@etta, you are so right all too often cards just don't say what you're really feeling.

@Reforming, if you have a cousin named Vinnie I am glad to put the hit out for Humidity and Thunder Storm.

@Jenn, sometimes I have my moments of absolute insanity...I actually thought I would keep my hair in tact while on vacation. It didn't last past day two.

@Diva, luckily Miami weather wasn't all that bad and Mama Nature did alert the Crimson Wave so I have to thank her for that. We had a blast in Miami! Nice Latino men and you know I loves me some Spanish.

jules said...

I love posting angry "letter blogs!"

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