A Quarter Life Crisis

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Week in Review: A Sweet Gesture, More Mixed Feelings and a Talk with Nurse Friend

Normally I don’t fall for sappy shit. (This will make sense later on I swear.) Helluva way to start a post I know but it is what it is. Anywho my staycation has been great. I finally beat that biotch Insomnia and am all that much happier for it. Not to mention I actually washed all of my laundry, and we know this is the whore I mean chore that broke the camels’ back for me so the sheer fact that I tackled it this week deserves a lot of credit.

OK on to the review…The Spaniard, I know I know there is a slight masochistic addiction here but the first step to resolving any problem is admitting that it exists. In any event his birthday was Wednesday. Now under normal circumstances I am a wonderiffic gift giver however, given our situation or lack thereof I scaled way back and simply picked up a nice shirt and a pair of pants, on sale so no serious duckets were lost.

Nothing major right, of course I didn’t feel anything by doing it, as it was something I would do for all of my other friends anyway. Clearly no one has good friends anymore because besides a few text messages and phone calls he didn’t get any gifts, not even his precious mother (did I say that out loud….I sense issues here). He was overjoyed. I stopped by briefly and went about my business, as I said I am trying to make a clean break…

Fast forward to Thursday morning, I get a call around 10AM. Being the early bird that I am even on staycation I was awake and answer to The Spaniard saying he’s at my front door. First reaction and words for that matter, WHY? He’s being spontaneous and wanted to surprise me. See he must have forgotten his position on this here island is no more. Clearly I’ve forgotten as well, I opened the door.

Cardio Girl, Diva and La’Tonya yes I hear a simultaneous dumbass resounding from ya’ll…..remember masochistic addition, it’s hard to break the ties.

In any event he was standing on my landing with forgive me I’ve been a jackass take me back flowers in hand. See here’s the sappy shit I was talking about earlier and I am so not the flower chick so we will call said flowers daisies. Pretty, but still slightly un-phased, what do you want? This is a rhetorical question because I knew what he wanted and quickly I needed to decide if I would play this game.

Sometimes playing dumb works in my favor, other times it backfires…only time will tell which happens. Anywho I let him in after his I’m sorry, I will do better, princessa por favor te amo, it hurts us not being together etc etc etc. I don’t feel played because I went into the letting of him in with open eyes. I suspect in a couple of days or weeks he will revert to his former self.

Insert mixed feelings here, what about Mailroom Boy? Oh he catches the short end of the stick so often doesn’t he? After a hooker get your act together conversation with Nurse Friend who said basically I needed to unweave the tangles and make a decision. The balancing act can only go on for so long and eventually it will come to a head and it ain’t gonna be pretty. I tend to agree with her.

But now I can’t shake the Spaniard. Of late he is omnipresent, my guess in large part to smelling another cock in the hen house or in my case another stranded hombre en la isla.

And this is totally off topic but it’s been bothering me, why why why bend over in slouching cargo pants sans undies if you have the ass of Sasquatch? This is a question I would like to pose to my local scooper at the dairy queen.

8 Pardon My French:


Hmmmm "ah-dick-shions" are hard to break..., not mad at ya...

I like mailroom boy I do, but the new thing that comes to mind with him, is you guys work in the same structure together, so if the romance is no bueno a few weeks, months from now...how will that effect you? (remember that phrase I said a few days ago???)

With the Spainard, well, I'm not a fan of drive bys & "I was in the neighborhood, and decided to show up on your front step" (gives me stalker flashbacks) in anycase his gesture waaassss sweet, but, the verdict is still out on this one...


you have the answers to this one Quarter Chica...

Cheap Soma said...

Maybe he took your gift-giving generosity as a sign that you want him back? Giving gifts is clearly not a clean break especially if it's a recent separation.

Although the gesture was sweet. And so very high school.

mr. nichols said...

i agree with cheap soma. accepting a gift and "opening the door" to any man means so much more than just accepting a gift and opening the door.

ReformingGeek said...

Ah, to be young again!

I like the point about the Sasquatch ass. Very funny!

Chaotically Calm said...

@Diva, yes my friend they are but the first step is admitting the problem exists in order to tackle it right? And under normal circumstances I a not into the whole stalker thing but sometimes an itch needs to be scratched. However sometimes that can get me into trouble.

@Cheap Soma, you're probably right getting the gift is exactly a clean break I was being sarcastic when I said it because I knew it wasn't. In my defense we agreed to be friends so it is something I would do for any of my other friends.

@Mr Nichols, you're right...opening the door unlocks a whole bunch of other stuff that I'm not wanting to dive into with him right now.

@Reforming Geek, it almost made me not want my blizzard but then I remembered it had chocolate in it and I was ok.

cardiogirl said...

Oh boy. Sometimes we have to go through the what-was-I-thinking relationship before we can step away.

I swear almost every woman I know has had a relationship like that -- the one where you know you need to step away from the mess, but you don't. I don't know why this happens but I was not exempt either.

(shudders) I really can't believe the stuff I did to try to keep that relationship on life support. Now I look back and just shake my head.

I'm so glad that one is behind me, but it was really hard for me to step away from it once and for all. So it looks like you're in something like that and you'll be mulling it all over at the next tribal council.

But it's still interesting to read about.

And I fully enjoyed the small side note question at the end of the post. Nasty. I don't know anyone who has the right ass to wear cargo pants sans the underwear.

Chaotically Calm said...

@Cardio, it's good to know I am not alone in this stupid behavior. And I recognize that I am doing things that one are giving him mixed signals and two are out of line with what I say I want in my life. But at the same time I just keep running the wheel. I don't know why...I am not in love with this guy I know that for sure. He's not the best lover I've ever had in my life and he is missing a fun chip most days. Yet somehow I keep smelling the sour milk....and because of it I am getting seriously mad at me.

Everyone keeps saying why can't you take Mailroom Boy more seriously...I just can't. IDK, there's a wall there and I think it's because he represents the guy I dated in high school: fun, carefree all about the party and not about his life plan. I am too old for those games. In all honestly I want to one day settle down and have a family of my own (I think) and he's just not that guy. But he has what the Spaniard lacks and like I said before if I could combine them they would be the perfect man for me.

And maybe I am doing this because everyone says I am incapable of sustaining any male/female relationships that aren't platonic. I so want to prove them wrong but I am clearly going about it ass backwards.

Thanks for letting me sit on your couch and rant. Glad it's interesting to read...not so entertaining in the live and in color version.

Oh and Cargo Pants - Undies = NO NO!


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