A Quarter Life Crisis

Rants With Atmosphere!!!

Torn


As it stands I am not a relationship aficionada. Reason being, honestly I’ve never seen a good example besides movies and since scripted reality taint real life what’s a quarter lifer like me to do. Because of that I walk through life eternally single and dating with reckless abandon for most people’s feelings. Some might call this selfish but it’s not actually. It’s the best thing I could do for most of the gents in my life because I’d crash and burn as a girlfriend. The label itself makes my skin crawl besides the fact I don’t deal well with being crappy at things.

Speaking with someone about my issues seems better and better these days.

I can’t help it. Much like other people my age who expect instant gratification for her every whim, when things begin to hit that monotonous dating lull, I jump ship to the next thing smoking. I suffer from a complex the DC Diva likes to call the GGOS (grass is greener on the other side).

But sometimes the grass is greener. I’m just saying sometimes the grass is greener. Or better, the lawn is manicured well hiding weeds deep under the surface, which I never actually see because getting into the weeds requires time and patience. Two things I possess very little of, not to mention giving of either creates vulnerability.

If a relationship lacks a certain level of vulnerability it’s shallow or superficial. OK I admit it I am a superficially shallow girlfriend. It’s good I’ve gotten this out in the open without a ridonkulous therapy bill attached. This doesn’t help The Spaniard in any way. Did I mention how I’ve contemplated breaking up with him every day since his departure to his home country? Not only that but with him away I felt this ginormous weight lifted from my shoulders. And I don’t miss him (bad I know).

God freedom never felt so good.

But here are the meat and potatoes behind this post, Mailroom Boy invited me, quite unexpectedly I might add, to the Chrisette Michelle concert at the House of Blues in AC. Without batting an eye I said of course I want to go. I know, now that I type it it seems oh so wrong. But here’s the thing if I could combine the Spaniard and Mailroom Boy they make the perfect Faith guy. Separately they each lack what the other possesses.

The Best Friend says I am using Mailroom Boy as a distraction because I refuse to fully commit myself to the relationship with the Spaniard.

Problem number two, outside of excusing myself from the company of The Spaniard for an entire weekend, how will I explain the whole two week trip to Spain to Mailroom Boy? Wait he doesn’t qualify for explanations! Oh how I hate drama and I feel that I’ve created this monster myself. Part of me wants to forget the Spain trip (The Spaniard’s cousin is getting married) altogether but that would entail breaking things with The Spaniard and I’m not sure Mailroom Boy is a great trade off.

Honestly I’m not even sure I like Mailroom Boy outside of friendship. I see him every day at work (no butterflies or 15yr old girl anticipation-type feelings) and well we just have decent conversations, but wouldn’t that put him in the just friend category? Besides the shallow part of me doesn’t see how the whole baby mama, no upward mobility job, lack of transportation living with your aunt part of Mailroom Boy really fits into my world. At the same token the total lack of spontaneity, not wanting to go out at night and obvious cultural difference of The Spaniard gets under my skin on a daily.

That fresh start for summer is looking so much better these days. Its times like this I wish 21 Jump Street were back on the island. Oh God did I just say that……

6 Pardon My French:

DC DIVA DATING ADVENTURES said...

Ohhhh Quarter Chica - Sounds like a bit of a quandry here...so you have options...but you have strings attached to the Spaniard, so are options are only as long as your strings...

The BIG question would be, what does FAITH want. Do you want a serious snuggle bug when it’s warm out, or do you want to be carefree, and pick up the serious thing later???

You know me, I’m all about instant gratification & accepting the consequences later....just re-member, there is this little thing called Karma...

Whatever you decide, be careful & have fun....you don’t have a ring on your finger!

DC DIVA DATING ADVENTURES said...

I meant to say your options are...you get the drift!

Chaotically Calm said...

@Diva you're right I need to figure out what I want but I just don't have a clue these days. One minute I think I want the picket fence and the next I want to swing from the chandal....you get what I'm saying.

There's a few days before the Spaniard comes back to town so I can keep mulling it over.....karma might catch up with me though

Journey to my soul said...

The grass always seems greener on the other side, till you cross the street and see what the house looks like inside.

Sounds very torn. Just give yourself time to figure it out. Follow your heart. When you find the right person, you will know because you will get great new feelings.

La'Tonya Richardson said...

You already know what you want. Most women do. From reading your postings I've gotten the impression you're very confident, and know what you doing, and what you want out of life. If it turns out not to be the right decision, count it as a new opportunity.

Been meaning to ask, "Chaotically Calm" is that a greek line name?

Chaotically Calm said...

@LaTonya, sorry no greek in me...it just made sense with the whole quarter life crisis theme...,on the surface I appear to have it all together but underneath it's just pure chaos.

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