A Quarter Life Crisis

Rants With Atmosphere!!!

Should I Be Nervous????


Under normal circumstances something like the flu wouldn’t necessarily get my panties in a knot. But with the CDC alert at 5, very Outbreak-esque, I must stand back, take notice and consider what bomb shelter type hide-out I want to secure before it all goes to hell. As it stands Granny SJ probably has the best stocked shelter-dodad and as such that is where I will hang until the contagion passes or is contained to one of the landlocked states I’ll probably only travel through but never stop, like Nebraska.

No offense to anyone from Nebraska I’m sure it’s a lovely place full of fun and fancy.

What I find troubling besides the fact that people are dying from a flu born of a pig is the precautions the government provided. Now unless it’s me the measures being asked of the general public are things that everyone should be doing on a regular basis. Let me refresh everyone’s memory just in case this CDC bulletin hasn’t gotten passed around your office cooler.


  • If you or a family member has symptoms do not go to work or school immediately consult your family physician
  • If you cough or sneeze cover your mouth and wash your hands asap
  • Wash hands with warm water and soap
  • Proper wash time is at least 20 seconds under warm running water
  • Scrub with soap between fingers and underneath nails
  • Completely dry hands and turn off faucet with paper towel

Nowhere does it mention don blue paper surgical mask for fear of catching airborne pork virus. Side note wearing said mask besides being completely useless looks so 17th century measles outbreakish!

Wait did they have those masks then, whatever you get my point, as far as I know there’s no pack of rabid piggies running the streets infecting passersby with their saliva.

Anywho why is washing your hands in particular after using the restroom such a foreign concept? I mean people really the sinks with fragrance filled soaps aren’t there for their health. Believe me it’s not just trivial bathroom décor you know like a full dinner setting in someone’s dining room there simply for shits and giggles. Wash your friggin’ hands and not just the infamous two finger spritzer.

OMG (yes I did just write in full on textese) this reminds me of a lady I’ll call Crazy Side Ponytail from my old job that would finish her lady business in the bathroom, check her makeup in the mirror spritz the tips of her pointer and middle fingers and trollop out of the bathroom. Do you know this dirty wench asked me if I wanted some homemade brownies one day? I wanted to scream of course not who knows what vaginal type bacterium is floating in the nooks and crannies you non hand washer you!

Was that too far?

Digressing I know. The point, people stop getting all crazy, less than .1% of the entire US populous has contracted this flu and no one besides a little baby (this is a tragedy no doubt) has actually died. Not that one death shouldn’t be taken seriously, however, we know or we should know that a baby’s immune system is weaker than a healthy adult. When lively twenty somethings start kicking the bucket that’s when I’ll lock myself in Granny SJ’s basement bunker!

Besides some nasty folk have gotten a lesson in hygiene I am nothing if not happy! See a silver lining exists in every rain cloud.

2 Pardon My French:

La'Tonya Richardson said...

Just yesterday, I was scolding my three youngest about spreading germs. "Wash your nasty hands before entering my kitchen!!!" "Cover your mouth, and nose when you sneeze, and wash your hands!!!"

Those are only a couple of instructions I have yelled. If a fraction of the population is like my children, we will all have that damn flu!

I'm just praying everyone doesn't go ape shit, and start wearing those blue mask! But I see it coming!

cardiogirl said...

Thank you so much for being one of the few voices of reason out on the internet. It is a virus and most all of us will live to see another day.

My absolute favorite line, which made me bust out laughing, was:

"...this dirty wench asked me if I wanted some homemade brownies one day."

I don't know why dirty wench has tickled me so, but in my head I shall be calling select women at the Y dirty wenches when necessary.

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