A Quarter Life Crisis

Before ya'll get all bent out of shape (oops naughty thought) I am not, repeat am not having an office affair. With the recent gnome attacking my completely flirtatious innocent convos with Mailroom Boy I would prefer that the office gossip about me be false.

Not that I'm one of those girls anyway. I tend to keep my life regimented. By regimented I mean the carrots don't mix with the peas. Work is on one shelf and play is on another. Rarely (and by rarely I mean never) do I blend the carrots and peas for a heart healthy meal if you get my drift.

Don't get me wrong I am not knocking the secretary playing under the desk dixie with her boss to get ahead. Whatever floats your boat, keep right on rowing. And I'm not deluded by the sanctity of marriage (I know Wander is somewhere cringing). If a man strays from the confining binds of his marriage maybe monogamy just ain't his twist (same goes for a woman I am an equal opportunity type chick).

My issue....affairs need to operate seamlessly. No long gazes in the direction of your accomplice in crime. Keep it completely business as usual. Problem being that once you've seen some one's family jewels it's kinda difficult to act as if you've never seen him butt butterball naked. Here's an example that's the same but different, take the last post about Mr. Pudgy-kins if I saw him walking down the streets of Philly I might burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter. In the least I would do the old lady whisper and leer.

But I digress. Let's keep the office clean, well as clean as it can possibly be. My mind wanders sometimes thinking if the CSI team parlayed into your everyday corporate or not so corporate office what those black lights would pick up. Could explain the reason why so many places have converted to those see through glass sliding doors. It's not just to be eco-friendly and stylish. It's to make sure every one's feet are firmly planted on the floor.

If I remember correctly, just about 40% of working women consummated an office affair (with numbers like that it almost makes you feel abnormal if you're not part of the skirt lifting no panty wearing to the office club). This could explain the lack of sex within the marriage, every one's getting serviced prior to reporting home. Kinda makes me not want to touch any of the copy machines, desks or quasi kitchen counter tops (you know because where else is the do getting done).

Personally I like avoiding confrontationally awkward situations. When you meet your office husband's wife at the Christmas party do you exchange knowing glances like yeah I had him too? I wonder, maybe I should ask.....