A Quarter Life Crisis

Most people who know me are familiar with my commitment issues. When people get close I start to feel suffocated and trapped. During the suffocation I usually pull a Faith and run for the hills. Basically I find something anything it could be a simple as a haircut to zone in on and use it as ammunition to skedaddle on down the road. Normally guys get the hint but there have been a few stragglers. I don't do break ups very well so I could totally see myself being a runaway bride.

This past Friday my counselor (no I am not seeing someone to discuss my issues this is my counselor at work-her job is to get me to the next level) took me and another counselee to lunch. Side note it was a pretty swanky french restaurant where I needed the waitress' help to decode the menu. Sorry folks I took Spanish. If this was a hot Mexican spot I would've had it in the bag. Dammit why didn't I take French? But anyways I had a chicken sandwich, it taste the same in English actually but that's beside the point.

At lunch the conversation was a little stalled until we started discussing the other counselee's (we'll call her Jitt) upcoming wedding. Side note is it tacky to invite yourself to someone's New Years Eve party? Anywho she's semi eloping to avoid the whole wedding fiasco. And it makes sense. Friendships are lost and hair pieces get pulled out trying to get two lovebirds down the aisle.

During the conversation my counselor mentioned that one of the last weddings she attended ended in the parking lot. When she and her husband began walking toward the chapel they were greeted by the red faced groom explaining that he'd just learned himself that the wedding was off and did anyone want to join him in Fiji. Bummer! Side note, do you accept phone calls from someone that leaves you at the alter or in this case calls shortly before the ceremony to let you know she's not coming?

On the bright side for the guests I guess you get all of your money back from the return of expensive as hell gifts so no one thinks you're cheap. You know with those damn registry thingers everyone knows how much you spent. I can already feel the eyes perusing the gift table tabulating and calling me a cheap itch for picking up a 29.99 skillet that didn't even cover my food or drink.

But I digress. I can totally see that being me. As much as I think I want to get married the idea of being dare I say wed to someone scares the I want a family out of me faster than a whore sweats in church. And we know that's quick. Maybe Julia Roberts can park her horse outside the cathedral just in case I need a ride cause you know there's but so much you can ask of the groom after you take his ring and break for the hills.

And you know what I blame this on my parents. Why because it's always the parents fault, have you never skimmed those psyche books it's all about childhood. On top of that I suffer from the grass is always greener on the other side complex. I can totally see that flaring at the wedding. Walking down the aisle terror stricken white as the dress, I'll panic jump a few pews and hide in a confessional or something. Well maybe if I was Catholic, they don't have confessionals in Baptist churches.

Note to self, get married in a cathedral so there is a confessional to hide in when I go all fugitive bride. Dammit I need therapy!