A Quarter Life Crisis

After being bullied by my brother to schedule an appointment to see the dentist, I bit the apple and called the office. Unlike my uncooperative doctor's office (refuses to book appointments in advance, you have to call the day of at 7:30AM) the dental receptionist was very accommodating to my schedule and even took my new insurance information over the phone. She gave me plenty of options but only Monday worked due to some business and personal engagements. Now I'd been trying unsuccessfully for about a month to schedule an appointment with my family md/gyno and I didn't want to just opt out as I'd done the previous yr. Besides the fact that I have to amp myself up to even go for my annual check-up (you know there's nothing more exciting than riding the stir-up pony) the whole hurdle of booking the appointment kind of makes it worse. I can't be the only working patient that continues to complain about their ridunkulous scheduling practices. I hear everyone screaming just find another office. Yup tried that and the new office conveniently lost my blood work and then told me I never had it drawn. It's something about paying the deductible that proves that line of thought wrong. But I digress.

For years I've gone back and forth with the unpleasant receptionist about how inconvenient calling the morning of for a annual appointment truly is. Now I do understand sick appointments scheduled on the fly, that makes perfect sense. No one can estimate when he/she will be sick but a general run of the mill ht/wt review of the downtown playground, that is something that should be booked. Maybe the office never heard of a modern invention called the computer. But no, that's not the case at all. Every time I'm in the office someone is always trying to get me to go paperless with my health records and test results. They keep shoveling piles of web security at me but you can't camouflage dung with roses, believe me it still stinks. Bottom line I just don't like the idea of my health information floating out there in the cyberspace of it all. Hello hackers!!!!

Of course the month of trying to schedule the appointment knocked a bit of wind out of my sails but I was determined to get in there. So early Monday morning I called the office. The not so pleasant receptionist informed me that at 7:35AM I'd just made it to get one of the last annual check up slots available. Again I felt the complaint bugs crawling up my spine but I held them at bay. To add insult to injury she also informed me that my normal physician wouldn't be in until Tuesday and if I absolutely wanted an appointment with her I'd have to call back the following morning. Oh just ef-ing great! I swallowed the rant forming in my throat and told the receptionist to book the damn appointment as long as it wasn't with Dr. S. My hatred or extreme case of dislike (pick your poison) for Dr. S stems from a quasi sick appointment I attended shortly after falling off an elliptical machine and injuring my left knee, but I digress. No no, the appointment was with Dr. B and he would be available at 5:45. I think I remember this character from the visit after developing an allergic reaction to some anti-biotics. I guess he would have to do.

Now not only was I having my mouth examined and prodded at the dentist early afternoon, I'd have to in a short span of time assume a quasi comfort level to let this random man, OK doctor, examine the downtown playground. Yup Monday was off to a stellar start and it was only 8AM. So there was no place left to go but up right? Wrong, you're completely wrong. Knowing that I had an early morning meeting and I needed to make it to the dentist's office by 12:45 it just made logical sense to take my car in town to work instead of the train. Taking my car would have been fine you know if the passenger side front tire wasn't completely flat. Touchdown! I hazard-lighted it to the closest chain auto place to get the tire replaced and/or patched.

For some reason the shop that should have been open at 7:30 was conveniently still closed at 7:45 as I waited impatiently in the parking lot. Eventually the mechanic showed up and was none to nice to inform me that while I was the only customer in the waiting area, the cars left there since Saturday were more pressing to complete. Oh of course because they're priority, I mean it's not like I'm waiting or anything. Estimated completion of the replace and/or patch job for my tire 2 - 3hrs. Wonderful, sign me up.....I mean it's not like I had much of a choice really. With the two or so hour wait I had to haul ass about 5 - 7 blocks to the train station in the hopes of making it to the office in time for my meeting. The train gods took pity on my bruised and battered soul allowing me to arrive in just enough time to hop the rail downtown.

Luckily the meeting went off without a hitch, the mechanic called and informed me that the tire just needed patching not replacing and my manager let me leave early so I could go and pick up my car and head to the dentist. Gratefully the dental office held no surprises. It was still the uncomfortable experience I remember from days of old. Although my teeth are in perfect shape the dentist advised that I still needed to begin a dental regime. On first thought I wanted to say why since I'd been going strong without her but I held my tongue, no sense in making her upset when she had sharp objects in her hands.

In preparation for the late afternoon family md/gyno appointment I did a little prayer/meditation to calm the nerves. It's something about splashing your business all up in random Joe's face that leaves one unsettled, or maybe it's just me. Capping the day off, sitting in stirrups and scooting to the end of an oddly shaped un-adoring medical table just ain't my brand of fun and to top if off the doctor, like most wanted to small talk me to death. Sometimes when you're doing a breast exam just do the breast exam and keep it moving. I don't really want to talk about the wonder that is my job while you examine my nethers with a beaked shaped object. (Side note his technique wasn't as smooth as my normal MD, and this could be because he doesn't have a vagina, go figure)

After invading my privacy for 5 minutes or so he asked what I planned to do about the 5lbs I packed on in the last 2 years. Thanks doc I'm already having a bang up Monday, just go in for the kill. Well I told him that my eating habits had slipped a smidgen due to the amount of travel with work but I'm fully vested in shedding the poundage (I've taken up biking besides my cycle just went off it's water weight doc-ie pooh), thank you very much. He seemed please with that answer and said that overall I was completely healthy to put my clothes back on a have a great week. No problem, you know it wasn't like I was gonna dart out the room in that wonderfully tailored blue smockie contraption, believe it or not I did bring clothes.

And just like that another Monday bites the dust and to think I signed up for this adventure purposely.