A Quarter Life Crisis

Rants With Atmosphere!!!

Week In Review: Staffing Snafus, Unentertaining Convos with Pretty Skin, End of Summer BBQs, and Internal Conflicts

Most days consulting frustrates the hashish out of me. Moreover when Senior Managers escape into the land of make believe expecting 20 weeks worth of work in 15 weeks I go apeshit (inside – hey momma needs her job and I just got me a raise). It’s even more frustrating when the managers sell this work and get clients to believe it’s humanly possible. Granted most clients think consultants are robots in human packaging but I’m here to say this is not the case, at least not for me.

In any event this Technology Senior Manager, The Hobbit, sold a piece of work that required at least 14 weeks of full time consulting for 4 resources. And when I say full time consulting I mean 60-hour weeks, as this is the typical schedule. Instead The Hobbit sold the project for 10 weeks with 3 full time resources. Clearly he missed a very important memo about true possibilities.

In addition to under staffing the project, the Hobbit also pulled in the absolute complete a$ backward resource to manage the project a butt spanking new manager to the firm, Stutter Step. With only 4-5 weeks of company experience under Stutter’s belt and no actual project experience, he was eaten alive by the client by the middle of the first week. The slaying performed by the client project manager, Russian Sorcerer, was of epic nature. Thank God, and I know this is going to sound shady as hashish, I’d already fully aligned myself in her graces because two heads might have gotten chopped. Hey consulting is 25% politics and 75% work…I’m just being honest.

In my defense as well as the team, we tried to cover Stutter’s mistakes and limit his interaction with Russian Sorcerer as much as possible. To his detriment he kept interjecting with ridonkulous questions (in consulting there is such a thing as a dumb inquiry). Additionally he kept starting, ending and throwing in the middle of every sentence the phrase you know or you know what I’m saying. Of course they don’t know what you’re saying because you haven’t actually said anything. Communication skills of all kinds, written and verbal, are absolute requirements to last in the consulting business

Attempting to mask Stutter’s incompetence the Hobbit brought in a second manager but this only helped to illuminate his lagging skills. In the end the client formally requested Stutter’s removal from the project. Bummer for him, it will not reflect well within the firm that he was removed from his first project in particular because it wasn’t just a personality conflict but an actual lack of appropriate talent.

On the way home from the client site I decided to return PS’ calls from earlier in the week. As it turns out Pretty Skin would be out of town for the holiday. I learned this after listening to him talk about nothing for damn near an hour on my drive back from Jersey, did I mention the client site is in Warren County NJ, which makes for a 2hr drive home. PS did mention he’d like to take a trip with me to Maine. I’d told him that Maine is nice if you like lobster and lighthouses and bed n breakfast-llike cities and stuff like that to which he replied that none of those things really interested him. Because I enjoy being stabbed in the eye with glass I asked why. To which he responded, “Man cause!” I didn’t have the energy to remind him that I’ve had no sex change in the past week and would appreciate not being called a man…it’s probably just his thing but I don’t like it, sorry!

Y’all already know I’m siddity, it’s a gift!

After a politically charged and extremely tense workweek coupled with mindless chitter chatter (I can’t really call it conversation) from PS I was more than ready to enjoy the summer’s last hoorah, barbecues. Fellow Traveler, Nurse Friend and Uncle Mid Life Crisis all tossed invites my way. Unfortunately my hair affair shattered any attempts of making Fellow Traveler’s but Nurse Friend and Uncle Mid Life’s were both still on the table and I felt like indulging.

Both provided a necessary distraction. I laughed with Nurse Friend’s family as if they were my own and I was given an honorary pass. I laughed with my family like old times with little drama. I mean it wouldn’t be a family gathering without a little ball busting and ribbing. And yes I needed those laughs to mask all the other emotional hashish (technical term) I was and am still working through.

If you haven’t guessed this has everything to do with the Spaniard. It’s funny I’m sensing a theme. I can’t shake him. Either I’m a lunatic or madly obsessively in love with this man, at this point I’m throwing money on both just to cover all bases.

Right before my pick up from the Best Friend to head to Nurse Friend’s barbecue I get a call from the Spaniard. In my defense all his prior calls and text messages since our last “discussion” I left unanswered. Everyone has her breaking point. For the life of me I don’t know why I decided to on the second ring just pick up the phone...here I go again with the glass shards in my eyes.

Me: What do you want?

The Spaniard: You.

Me: Please don’t be funny I don’t feel like this today.

The Spaniard: How are you doing?

Me: How should I be doing? You’ve become a stalker and won’t take leave me the hell alone as an answer. I hate my job most days and my bra is a little tight. Otherwise I’m comfy cozy, how about you?

The Spaniard: Why do you do that?

Me: Do what?

The Spaniard: You know what I’m talking about.

Me: Well would you prefer I cry...it’s not really my slice of cake but I can if it’s gonna make you feel better. I don’t have time for this. I don’t want…

The Spaniard: It’s not always about what you want. You do realize that you weren’t in this alone. How I feel counts for something. Faith, I love you. You can’t change that. I want you back.

Me: (His Name) I’m not dealing with this right now. I can’t deal with this right now. I won’t deal with this right now. The Best Friend’s here I’m on my way to Nurse Friend’s family barbecue.

The Spaniard: Promise to call me back.

Me: No

The Spaniard: Call me back.

Me: Fine…whatever…I’ll call you back.

This smells like déjà vu. Wasn’t I here around this time last year having the same conversation? Oh wait the last time I was in Vancouver. So I already know how this story ends don’t I. With me looking like an a$$ for the second, no wait third time crying over someone who probably doesn’t deserve my tears.

Logic suggests that I run for the hills but you can’t control who you love….who said that to me…

3 Pardon My French:

DaBossBitch said...

I think you've been so strong. And of course your gonna answer at somme point but it is the way that you handle it that counts and I think you did it with such strength!

Ice Cold said...

At least you're trying. Don't get down on yourself. I think it helps that you try to stay busy... It's always helped me in the past.


Ok, forgive me for being MIA...I had to play catch up. And disclaimer, I'm on my 3rd glass of wine, and have been super horny, so I hope my comment makes sense.

The Spainard knows your buttons (all puns intended) and he plays on them.

It's your job to change the buttons (or rather frequency) it will drive him crazy at first, and HE WILL STALK YOU. But after some stalkery he will get the point.

I know it's hard. I do.

PS (Pretty Skin) such a waste of cuteness. I feel your pain. nice body ( nothing under the hood) Well cut your losses & cut him soon

I guess it's officially fall, so maybe it's time to bring in a new team, since football season will be over soon. Basketball season lasts a bit longer... (ok, the sports bit sucks, remember my disclaimer)

Heart ya...



Blog Widget by LinkWithin

Funny Clip


BC Familia

20 Something Bloggers

Blog Archive