A Quarter Life Crisis

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Weekend Update: Second Date with Pretty Skin, Randomness in Old City & Intentional #Hosh*t Avoided

This is the inside of Cuba Libre

Tre-depressing, by Friday I had no concrete weekend plans and with the non-stop workweek I had more than enough tension to work out of my system. Nurse Friend says that everyone deserves two dates. In that same vein, I decided Pretty Skin and I should go bowling. Mom Nature, the wench that she is, vetoed all hope last Sunday with the tree falling curve ball but I set the wheels in place for Friday night. Surprise surprise I’m not always one hundred percent shallow. We did have a good first date, as first dates go, and well Pretty Skin is scrumptilicious despite his purple elephant.

We decided, or more accurately I decided that we’d meet up at North Bowl. I’m not ready to have Pretty Skin in my neck of the woods just yet. As men go he’s in probation. During this phase his position on the island can be revoked at the slightest hint of riding the short bus.

I remember cancelling a guy’s membership for a haircut gaffe. Shallow! In my defense the Nike swosh sideburns were the last straw after he licked my face. No exaggeration, he licked the right side of my face, intentionally. It was a very WTF moment. In hindsight even if he unintentionally licked my face I would have still revoked his privileges. I mean who licks people’s faces? Is that what the kool kids do on the streets, I’m just asking!

Anywho, I left work in enough time to make it home to transform into date suitable attire. After nagging the Little Sister about my shoe selection, I decided on a pair of 3 ½ inch platform stilettos considering Pretty Skin’s lack of height. I aimed to be shorter than him in heels, see I’m capable of compromise.

I arrived at North Bowl shortly after 9:30, to a text message from PS advising he would be about 10 minutes late. Since I was in a fantabulous mood after scoring great parking I didn’t let it irk me and made my way to the bar. It was packed! Luckily I was able to squeeze onto a stool in between two groups of gents at the bar. Neither group was my taste but I wasn’t going to stand for the next ten minutes waiting for PS.

An ashy-footed troll from the group of gents to my left struck up casual conversation. I made it a point to tell him I was in fact waiting for a date aka not interested. He misinterpreted my refusal to be rude as a sign that I was in fact interested. When I repeated my whole I’m waiting for a date he responded, “Where they do that at? Nobody dates anymore! I would have just asked you to come to my house and chill.” I said, “And that would explain why we’re not here together, no offense.” He laughed as if I were joking…I wasn’t. About two minutes later Pretty Skin saved me from tossing a drink. He even offered to say something to the troll but I told him it wasn’t that serious, men and their machismo!

As it turns out my bowling skills are hella rusty. PS wasn’t really all that good but he gave it his best. He did beat me the second game, barely! That almost win didn’t stop him from clowning me for the rest of the night. I can’t stand losing. And good thing for having to switch to bowling shoes because I was TALLER (note the extra emphasis) than him in my heels. This was even more obvious when we parted ways for the evening and he gave me a kiss on the forehead. Way sweet!

Methinks he likes me too much. At one point during the night PS asked if I thought we were compatible. WTH, don’t throw curve balls buddy! We’re not ready for those types of conversations I just wanna enjoy the summer without considering folks feelings. Feelings are for the winter.

On Saturday Nurse Friend and I decided we would hit up a party at Marathon Grill on 10th Street. We were determined to get out of the house earlier than our usual 11:30 starts. It actually happened. We were out the door by 10, booyah! As we drove down Walnut Street I swear I saw tumbleweed blew out the door of the Marathon Grill so we switched plans mid stride to Old City.

Since Mom Nature wasn’t riding the crimson wave, we were able to grab a table outside at Continental in perfect earshot of the fantabulousness of Cuba Libre. I ordered some yummy (technical term) margarita with flavored watermelon and something else I couldn’t quite make out. Nurse Friend ordered a cherry inspired margarita but didn’t like it. I ended up drinking both and ordering another watermelon and a bay breeze before the night was over. To say I was toasty is an understatement hence the intentional hosh*t.

Midway through the night I get a text from PS. He wanted to know why I hadn’t called him. Clearly I was unaware that my phone is the only one between the two of us that has outgoing call capabilities. Either way, I wasn’t about to have Pretty Skin monopolize and cockblock my weekend. One day was more than enough Faith time for him. Besides I wouldn’t have been able to wear the uck me pumps I wanted with his dwarfness. I ignored his last text message and kept on drinking.

I still got it! Judging by the dude who tripped over the chair and the two or three gents whose necks met with their girlfriend’s hands, I am still a hot commodity. I even pulled a number or two from some random passersby of none importance.

Around 11:40ish Jon B crept from underneath his weekend rock and asked what I was doing and if I wanted to get together. Insert intentional hosh*t here, Wander you should consider this the end of the blogpost for you mmkay! I let him know that I was boozing it up with my girls, he was welcome to join or I could meet him later after we left Old City but it would probably be after 2AM. His response, cool he could be my naughty little plaything…hmm curiosity way high. Me thinks that was the tequila talking…or not!

After some scandelicious texts back and forth and a slight nudge, I want you so bad right now, I decided it was in my best interest to give Jon a whirl. Insert intentional hosh*t stage left. I agreed to “chill” with him after Nurse Friend and I left Old City.

Between drinks, Nurse Friend wrangled a number of an interesting gentlemen who proceeded to cockblock the remainder of the evening. I wasn’t too upset though because remember I was on my way to be someone my momma didn’t raise. Two drinks later, at 2AM we trotted back to Nurse Friend’s car. It was a good night!

Nurse Friend pulled up to my apartment a little after 2:30AM. Instead of hoping right into my car I decided to go upstairs and change clothes. The next thing I remember was waking in my party clothes with mascara smeared on my pillowcase…so much for hosh*t!

Hindsight being 20/20, that was probably for the best, although I must admit Jon B peaks my carnal curiosity for a number of reasons…

3 Pardon My French:

Ndygo Sunshyne said...


in no particular order:
cuba libre is coming to dc! YAY!!
"feeling are for the winter" is officially cuffed.
"passersby of none importance" calls out to the hole of arse in me.
& isn't it delightful to be "someone my mama didn't raise?"
my mama reads me from time to time. i think she did raise me. she just ain't sayin so out loud. ya feel me?

Ice Cold said...

"This one time at band camp", I was watching The Transporter and this hot chick licked someones face in the movie.

I thought to myself - the day I get a bad chick to lick my face during intercourse I will have truly arrived.

Guess what friend? It happened to me and I looooved it! I won't go into detials, tho. I'm saving that story for the grandchirrins (j/k)...

Chaotically Calm said...

@Ndygo, I <3 Cuba Libre...a lot. You folks in DC are very very lucky!

Sometimes I consider toning the blog down because my mom does read it religiously. But I can't. Whenever I say something that goes way left for her she will send me a text message. I keep telling her if she wants a response she has to leave a comment, LOL!

@Ice, if you're into that kind of thing, LOL! Face licking just tain't my twist but if you love it I like it for you. But now since you mentioned the story you have to tell. I mean that's like saying guess what and then saying nevermind. You can't do that....I mean you can but it seems a bit cruel.


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