A Quarter Life Crisis

Rants With Atmosphere!!!

Week in Review & Weekend Update: Random Conversations, E-mails from an Old Friend, and the Slow Demise of Jon B

This is what it actually looked like on Sunday, I wasn't being completely vain!

This past week has been relatively quiet and kind of boring on the dating front. I’m not mad at it though I need a chance to catch my breath and think some things through. Seriously I will dig into the details in a second.

It was a hellacious workweek for me. As we turn the corner on the end of this project I am suddenly worried about what and where my next assignment will be. This is normal consultant angst. After spending a quarter of the year out of the country it’s been lovely being stateside, hell it’s been fantabulous sleeping in my own bed. Hotel rooms are overrated, believe me even the real swanky ones with the raindrop glass enclosed showers overlooking the bedroom. I enjoyed some nights with the Spaniard once or twice I won’t tell a t-waddy (lie)!

Remind me that I’m not allowed to mention his name on the blog anymore. I ‘d appreciate a virtual slap the next time it occurs, mmkay!

Sometime in the middle of the week Virtual Java (VJ – he’s a lawyer and a solder booyah) sends me an e-mail. He was shooting the hashish, you know catching up on all things Faithtastic with sprinkles of the ins and outs of his life. I’ve always wondered how he looks in a suit. Random I know! I have these moments. It would make more sense to you if you knew although I worked with VJ for quite some time I’ve never actually seen him in person. It’s funny how friendship works.

Anywho I’ve always wanted to see VJ in action, not the soldier action because that would be a scosh on the dangerous side and might involve ruining a pair of my uck me pumps. We know that’s not going down! Maybe one day we’ll get that cup of java in the flesh especially since he can’t offer me any near the grave rich men to front my shoe habit. Shame on him! Even without the sugar daddy, it was nice to hear from Virtual Java. I smiled midday. That never happens!

In the land of gentleman callers, Pretty Skin blew up my phone all damn week. Clearly his lack of a job provides a little too much free time. In general I’m not a phone person. This is a byproduct of half my workday spent gabbing. Most of the conversations drain my chitchat for the uck of it-ness! I must give him the gold star for effort though. He makes sure to send little how you doing text messages throughout the day, you know just checking to see if I still have a pulse. PS would probably make a decent boyfriend minus his purple elephant if that’s what I was looking for, but it is the summer o’ men. Even with the small dry spell this week I mustn’t lose focus.

After playing phone tag, mostly me avoiding PS’ calls, I agreed to have date two, bowling on Sunday afternoon. As luck may have it Mother Nature, disrespectful tramp, blessed us with a storm by mid afternoon requiring a schedule adjustment to the coming weekend. He seemed genuinely disappointed but with whipping rain, falling trees and torrential winds I wasn’t risking my hair to the element. Before you ask, yes it’s like that! Me, Thunderstorm and that biotch Humidty aren’t on speaking terms.

Between my calls with PS I took one or two from Italian Stallion whose name is forever changed to Zack Morris (gold star and a cartwheel for you if you know what late 80’s- early 90’s tv show that comes from), a more appropriate fit. He’s nice in a date a dork kind of way, which isn’t inherently bad for me because I like nerds…insofar as they don’t look like nerds. Pocket protectors and suspenders are against my religion.

My issue, be prepared I’m about to say something racial. I don’t date white guys who’ve never dated black girls. I’m no one’s test run! Popping cherries t’aint my forte and I really don’t wanna have to explain my headscarf. A date might clear this air but so far I’ve skated around the notion of us sitting in front of a whole meal of food. I fear this dance won’t last long and right now he’s more out than in.

Jon B was incognegro for majority of the week. He sent a few feeler text messages and we had a couple two-minute phone calls, nothing like our hours long convos from weeks past. This wasn’t all his doing. His purple elephant wears bright neon tights and a yellow hat to match. The sideways ex chatter is a little much for me. I mean I looked at an old picture of he who must not be named this past week but I quickly regrouped and put on the strong face. Jon B needs to man up. If he wants his ex back, me tinks he does, call that trick and make it happen, otherwise toss up the deuces!

On Sunday JB called a little before 10PM asking if we could grab a drink. Hmm…based on the lack of enthusiasm in my voice I’m going with a strong no. And he so violated the don’t call me while True Blood is on rule. Hun-nay please! Noteworthy he shows up consistently every Sunday, I wonder what that’s about? He did say he really wants to see me…that sounds like one-eyed sailor speak to me. You judge it.



5 Pardon My French:

Ndygo Sunshyne said...

this must be the week for wild encounters with men. do you read "the beautiful struggler?" her date post today had me crackin up.

you just broke up the monotony for me though. i was working on an assignment & took a break & had several laugh out loud moments. i can't even recant them all cuz my mind is fried. this is a PSA thanking you for the comic relief you provide.

& you will NOT call Mom Naycha a tramp. my spirit can't take the laughter that ensues.

cardiogirl said...

Okay, I'm not even allowing you to refer to him as "he who must not be named."

No mention. None!

Just out of curiosity, how can you tell when a white guy has never dated a black girl before? Is it just obvious in conversation?

I did have to look up Zack Morris, but when I saw him I knew it. I just never knew his last name.

Ice Cold said...

Whoooooa, you went back w/ the Zack Morris thing. Lol!

Funny thing you mention "not being a phone person." I hate being on the phone. I'd rather text while writing or watching tv. It's the pitts.

Jen said...

I have so got to go back and catch up. I don't have a clue who you are talking about, and I got a little distracted with the shower in the swanky hotel.

Chaotically Calm said...

@Ndygo, i didn't before but I do now. Thank you for intro-ing me to this blog! Oh and Mother Nature is a tramp, it's on her resume, LOL!

@CG, you are a good friend, no more subtle references he is off the island for life.

Ha ha in Zack's case he came out and said it. He's a nice guy though but I fear we have nothing in common besides some academic pursuits. And I will note that I find it sort of weird that an adult man has the first two seasons of Saved by the Bell in his personal collection. The next thing I know he'll be inviting me to a star trek convention dressed as Spock. Not that there's anything wrong with that...

@Ice, I saw angels come down from heaven when the text message was invented. Me and phone conversations are not friends on Facebook.

@Jen, you must catch up. It's been a very interesting, semi productive summer!

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