A Quarter Life Crisis

Rants With Atmosphere!!!

Week In Review-In: Sometimes I Make Bad Decisions…



On Tuesday instead of working in the office I opted to work from home because it gave me the opportunity to wear my pajamas all day long. It was great! That is one of the benefits of consulting. My office exists wherever I have Internet access. If ever I find a new position this will be one of the few things I miss about consulting.

If you recall I agreed to “chill” with Jon B on Tuesday evening. In the back of my mind I considered, strongly, cancelling but sometimes curiosity gets the best of me. As you know curiosity killed the cat but satisfaction brought her back.

I knew what this chilling would entail, hosh*t. Not that I’m above hosh*t because I’m not sometimes but I am somewhat feeling Pretty Skin and Jon B has done the major slide from grace. But who said liking someone was a prerequisite…

Remember that scrumptilicious text pic that made me even consider hosh*t with Jon B, yeah total angle shot but workable. Granted I didn’t really hold up my part of the bargain either, my enthusiasm level was on a 2 out of 10. We ended early and as I pulled away from his cul-de-sac block I waved goodbye and good riddance to Jon B. The feeling was way mutual. Our parting hug spoke for itself. It was one of those trying not to touch you even though I’m touching you kind of things, way awkward. Everyone doesn’t fit with everyone you judge it!

In even more depressing news, the Spaniard crawled from underneath his asshole rock. This is surprising and not surprising simultaneously. His message was true to his form.

Not sure if you tried to reach me or not but I got a new number since I came back home. I just wanted to say hi, see how you’re doing and let you know that I miss you.

Typical!

Let me dissect his message for the sake of running my head into a wall.

Not sure if you tried to reach me or not but I got a new number since I came back home… which actually means he knows I didn’t try to get in touch with him but he had to find a “logical” reason to get in touch with me. You know just in case I needed him for something I’d have to know he had a new number since returning from “our” vacation that he went on alone.

…I just wanted to say hi, see how you’re doing…, yeah sure! What he really wants to know is if I still have enough feelings for him to take a walk on the ho side of life. I don’t!

…and let you know I miss you. LOL. Of course! This is the panty dropping back up! He wants me to believe while he was gallivanting around Spain playing friendly with old chums and family he actually thought about me. Hmmm, I don’t buy it for one second.

I didn’t respond the first day. I couldn’t! Fits of uncontrollable anger welled up in me every time I thought about the text. The Best Friend said I should take the ho stroll, at least I’d be in better spirits…she thinks too physically. Sometimes a roll in the hay is more than a roll in the hay. Nurse Friend said ignore, ignore ignore. My decision was somewhere in the middle.

It’s funny how things change. You know the last time I saw you in person you were talking about marrying me. I’ve been really happy the past few months without you. I’d like to continue that level of happiness. I’m gonna ask you a favor, if there was ever a part of you that cared about me, please don’t call or text me again. I wish you the best.

After sending that text message and deleting traces of his new number from my phone, it felt final.

It was not.

He called…of course! I had the will power to ignore the first. He called again. My will power waned by that point. He asked something in Spanish. He does this from time to time; I used to think it was cute. When we were out, surrounded by groups of people he would speak to me in Spanish and even though I know tons of people speak Spanish it felt like he was speaking just for my benefit.

¿Por quĂ© no me amas?

For those out of the Spanish loop, that means, why don’t you love me…I hate him for this. Cleary he doesn’t recall our last conversations/arguments before his departure to Spain. How I can’t count on him. How he doesn’t respect my feelings. How he doesn’t listen to my wants or desires…bottom-line how he’s a selfish a$$hole.

His selective memory fuels my anger. The argument that ensued was of an epic nature but I won’t go into the details for my own sanity just know by the end he agreed reluctantly to let me have my peace.

Shortly afterwards Jon B sent me a message via yahoo messenger. I was curt. Sometimes the messenger gets shot.

The rest of the weekend, way low key, I mean after that emotionally draining experience the last thing I needed was male female interaction. I hibernated with a few of my closest friends and tried to keep my mind off of the What If Game!



5 Pardon My French:

Ice Cold said...

In Jon B's defense some of us are better during round two. In your defense maybe you thought you was ready but you really weren't. Sorta like the flesh is running at a diff speed than the mind?

Nonetheless, I'm looking forward to your The Fall o' Men. You still have a lot of time to mix n' mingle. The journey often has some bumpy roads, but the reward at the end will make up for it.

Ndygo Sunshyne said...

"hey girl hey" LMAO
i feel as though i need to copy & paste that reply text to the Spaniard for what i know will be future use w/my most recent ex. too bad the miss cleo in me knows that are next interaction will be in person...in about 2 weeks. le sigh...

you gave it a good shot though. in the end, i'm glad you were able to chuck those deuces.

oh, & i've had that 1st round nerves thing happen & walk away wondering why i bothered to even moisturize his situation. but i have had a round 2 be mind blowing. but then...he's the most recent ex so...

DaBossBitch said...

I totally agree with Ice and Ndygo. If you like dude as person (I've got some catching up and research to do) then Round 2 is in order. It can definitely take some time. My dude and I had round 1 and 2 be a flop. But because we were emotionally invested we kept future sessions to be heavy heavy makeout with no actual sex. We eventually learned each other's bodies and styles and reached a happy medium. Now our sex is pretty good

Chaotically Calm said...

@Ice, you could be on to something...I'm not sure my body is in line with the mind. That could mean a cooling off period for fall...or I could jump out of this funk all together. Side note I feel like I was good until that damn text message.

@Ndygo, copy and paste away. To be honest if I saw the Spaniard in person right now I can't tell you how I would react. I talk big shit but I know there's a part of me that still wants to go to sleep in his arms, ugh I hate him.

@DBB, yeah Jon B is cool but I'm not smelling what he's cooking right now. It was a thing I thought I needed at the time but in hindsight probably could have done without, you feel me.

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