Of late I’ve been so consumed with “life” that I haven’t even had the energy to write. It’s depressing. And when I say write I even mean writing in my journal. Blogging well as you can see from the infrequent but guess who’s back posts I clearly haven’t been doing that either. To some degree I think I may have lost my voice…but I want it back, desperately!
Wander told me that I need to do what I want. On it’s face it sounds easy if I could just figure out what the hell I want. Because being a consultant is clearly not it, of that I am sure, I’m leaning toward money as the real reason that I haven’t just picked up and left the bullsh*t behind.
Honestly it’s a combination of money and fear. If you hadn’t guessed my taking risk level on a scale of 1-10 hovers at a comfy cozy 4-5 unless you’re talking about roller coasters or wicked new cuisine minus sushi. I’m sorry but raw fish just taint my cup of green tea. And since life, although very roller coaster-esque has far graver consequences I tend not to throw caution to the wind. I prefer calculated risks…that would be the insurance professional within.
Not to mention the whole financial aspect of taking a happy leap, oh my lifestyle just doesn’t lend itself to not being able to swipe a card and pick up something snazzy. Of course it wasn’t always like that so I presume I could do without one more dress in my closet or pair of shoes on my floor. But I don’t want to.
See there’s that word again want. Maybe I’ve become too dependent on things to make me happy rather than just being happy. If I could do away with some things in my life and get back to basics it might be better.
How hard is starting over? To be honest, it sounds daunting! The whole idea of waking up and not knowing how it will play out is terrifying. Even if I know it’s going to be a shitty day at least I know the shitty-ness is coming vs not knowing what’s hidden around the corner. Clearly I’m not the woman for surprises that don’t involve spa gift certificates.
3 Pardon My French:
Yay! You're alive!
Now to the situation. Guh, that sucks. I know all about dreading work each day but dreading the job search as well. I did take one job, once, out of frustration and. HA. TED. It.
So then I had to go crawling back to the previous employer since it was the evil I knew. I did get re-hired but my seniority had stopped and then restarted new. That sucked it hard.
The point is that I know what you mean when you say what if you hate the new job? Hmm, no valid advice here at all, is there?
So... it's still good to see you again.
@Cardiogirl,
Hey Chica, I'm alive!!!!
The job search is brutal but I know something good will come out of it. Maybe I'll decide to start over completely, who knows.
Crawling back to my prior employer isn't even an option. I might actually kill myself if I had to go back there. Not that I left under bad circumstances but I would feel like I'd made no progress since leaving and that's not the case.
Anywho it's good to be back...hopefully it will be for good.
Just catching up on the million posts in my feed reader and see these from you. Nice to see you back in blogworld.
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