A Quarter Life Crisis

Rants With Atmosphere!!!

Weekly Rant: Black Friday is the Devil!!!

When the Best Friend called and said that there’s this 32in television I must have or I’ll die and would like to have a partner in crime while I’m out getting this steal, I should have declined. Of course hindsight is 20/20. After a little leg pulling, because at the time I was still very much working slave hours for the Vancouver client project I agreed to be her wing woman, her stand in line while I tinkle woman, her grab that 30 pack of Rubbermaid canisters woman…you get the point. That woman was me.

I should have definitely declined the offer but I hadn’t seen the Best Friend in a month of Sundays and believe it or not I was in some ways looking forward to being sequestered in the yellow smiley face rollback prices store for hours. However, the Best Friend informed me that we wouldn’t have to stand in line for hours on end because this year, suddenly the smart stick hit execs, people would get tickets at 12AM on a first come first serve basis for the item of his/her choice and have to return to the store at 5AM to retrieve said item. Fantabulous! That meant I could peruse the aisles while my friend waited patiently to get her ticket then we could return to her house. Once at her home I’d finish my work stuff, catch some zzz’s and then wake early grab breakfast and scoop up her television along with a mess of other “Black Friday” deals.

All sounds wonderrific, right?

And since it did sound so fantabulous you know it was not! First bubble buster there was no exiting the store once you secured a ticket. Second bubble buster, after securing said golden ticket you were pigeon holed to a line for the remainder of your stay. And by remainder of our stay I mean at 12:15AM when we sauntered our happy tails into Walsucks we had to remain in line until 5 bells before we could officially purchase the television. This meant no going back to finish the mountains of work I needed to complete nor getting up early for breakfast, and y’all know I loves me some diner breakfast.

This would be beginning of the stank eye (o_O) for Black Friday and the end of my already on thin ice relationship with Walsucks. No matter I prefer Tarjay anyway!

As luck may have it, walking through the aisles of merchandise I was unable to purchase until 5AM (for whatever reason the staff had duct tapped tons of items customers were not allowed to touch during the 5 hour jail sentence) I happened upon some very lonely bar stools not packaged in 5AM tape. My first thought was genius, now I wouldn’t have to pop a squat on the narsty Walsuck's floor and the second thought was damn these stools will look sick (this is slang and means fantabulous) in my apartment…bottom line, two for one!

Side note: I was allowed to walk around because I wasn’t purchasing a ticketed item.

Upon my return, stools in hand, to the line the Best Friend had the I’m so not feeling this sh*t face. I told her about some relatively decent deals which seemed to perk her spirits and we began setting up our stools along the nearest display wall. Those stools must have had some kind of magic Walsuck worker power because within minutes some jerk-off in a blue smock came over to discuss the “stool situation.”

Walsuck’s Worker: Uh you’re not allowed to sit if you’re waiting in line.

Me: Is that in some type of written document…did you give notice to the people on the floor? I don’t think they got the memo.

Walsuck’s Worker: What I mean is you’re not allowed to sit on stools if you’re waiting in the line.

Me: Really?

Walsuck’s Worker: Yeah it’s not fair to the other people who are waiting in line.

Me: Is that so…is it my fault that none of them thought of getting chairs to sit on for the next five hours. I shouldn’t be penalized because I found a creative solution.

Walsuck’s Worker: Uhhhh, yeah ummm, well the only way you can sit on them then is if you agree to buy the stools.

Me (turning my head toward my friend indicating that I was done with the conversation): I’m buying them!

Do you think it ended here….if you do, you’re dead wrong!

The Best Friend and I share some smart ass conversation about people taking positions of no power to their heads. Before long we’re rudely interrupted by the Harleysville Walsuck’s Manager.

Walsuck’s Manager: You two can’t sit on those stools.

Me: I’ve had this conversation with your worker a few minutes ago; I told him I’m buying the stools.

Walsuck’s Manager: It doesn’t matter. You’re creating a safety issue by sitting on the stools.

Me: You can’t be serious? We’re creating a safety issue? We’re creating a safety issue?

Walsuck’s Manager: Yes YOU’RE creating a safety issue. If YOU’RE seated on the stools someone could come by, trip and hit their head on the ground.

Me (holding back a laugh): Whatever, you might want to tell that to the dozen or so folks who are lying on the floor making it impossible for other customers to walk down the aisles. You might also want to mention that to the other dozen or so customers who are sitting on shelves with merchandise hanging every so nicely above their heads. Oh yeah and you might want to mention that to the people who are sitting on boxes in the middle of the aisles. You know since you’re giving out safety advice. Oh and by the way, it’s also a safety issue to have people standing in lines for hours without suitable seating during the wee hours of the morning. Not to mention roping off areas, yet another safety issue. I could go on but I think you get my drift right? But maybe you don’t should I dumb it down for ya?

I admit not my finest moment and quite possibly too condescending to a woman who was probably old enough to be my mother. In my defense I was at my wits end with the stupidity of the whole Black Friday event.

Walsuck’s Manager (arms flapping and doing a slight bottleneck): What did you say? I don’t want any trouble. I don’t want to have to escort you out!

By now my friend gave me the please don’t get us kicked out of line we’ve been here too damn long and I really want this television look. And since I care more about my friend’s feelings than actually being right (as painful as it was) I conceded.

Me: You’re kidding right, trouble. Some people!

The Best Friend and I got off the stools and placed them along the display. After a minute or two of huddled sideline conversation between the manager and her minions, one walked over and stated that the manager said that I still had to purchase the stools once I checked out. I didn’t bat an eye until the moron placed the stools inside our cart to which I questioned where television would fit. No answer, but not really all that surprising.

By 3AM I settled down slightly. I mean at least I wasn’t the lady who got kicked out for “shopping” during her 15 minute bathroom break. She was escorted out by security at the behest of the Walsuck’s Manager. Kicked Out Customer yelled something like now this b*tch thinks she’s a Somebody because she’s making 6 dollars an hour and wearing a blue smock, f*ck that! I could be adding dramaticals here but believe me it was something like that. Standing in vain for hours really pisses people off…just a thought!

At the stroke of 5 a free for all pretty much broke loose. When the Walsuck’s Worker started to place the 32in television on top of the two stools they placed in our cart earlier, I had to speak up.

Me: You might wanna take the stools out of the cart before you put the tv in, I’m just saying.

Walsuck’s Worker: You’re right.

Walsuck’s Security Guard (pretty much appearing out of nowhere): Oh no these two(pointing at my friend and I) have been sitting on those stools all night and have to purchase them or they can’t get this television.

Me: First off Captain Flashlight I haven’t been sitting on anything all night. And if you were standing guard around here you’d already know that. Second you can’t make me purchase anything!

Walsuck’s Worker: Don’t worry about it he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. (turning to face the security guard) Hey man calm down and go back to your post.

By this time I’d already begun my walk to the front of the store to secure a customer comment card. Granted I might have added to the heightened tension that night/morning between myself and the Walsuck's staff but stoooopidity coupled with bad customer service gets under my skin to a whole other level.

From now on I won’t ever go out again on Black Friday and both Walsuck and Black Friday get the eternal stank eye (o_O)


7 Pardon My French:

Shawn Smith said...

Wow. Just. Wow.

ReformingGeek said...

You are very brave. I would NEVER, EVER do what you did. You should be proud you made it through the night.

I would have been arrested for assault of the idiotic Wally World employees.

cardiogirl said...

Ohhh, when I read that you had to stay inside from 12:15 until 5 am I was pissed off for you.

And then the exchange over the stools? Un. Believable. And I would have been furious if I was the chick who was kicked out.

Grr. Did you still buy the stools? Damn I would have wanted to leave those mofos behind, especially since you were not allowed to sit on them.

ONE of THE GUYS said...

You tell the tale very well. Too funny!! Well it is to someone who wasn't actually there.

I never go out on Black Friday. I'm usually stuck at my in-laws house twiddling my, um, thumbs.

Shawn Smith said...

You know, I would have bought the stools and returned them right after just for GP.

Chaotically Calm said...

@RG, you say brave I say stoopid...in some circles believe they mean the same thing.

@Cardio,Hell to the NO!!!! I am not the proud owner of two bar stools. Wal-suck lost my business that day for life.

@The Guys, after I cooled down I can totally see the humor in this story...during not so much!

@Shawn, not a drop of my money will Wal-suck ever get. I didn't purchase the stools that night and I'll never set foot in another one of their stores unless I absolutely have to.

DC DIVA DATING ADVENTURES said...

I know I'm about a year late, but DAMN....that's why I prefer Tarjay... just a little more common sense. A little....

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