A Quarter Life Crisis

Rants With Atmosphere!!!

The Vault: Nope He’s Not Wearing Undies!

Lately my life has been so boring I’d rather watch a patch of grass grow and as a result I’m gonna pull an oldie but goodie from my vault of oddly amusing things that have happened to me. In addition Cardiogirl asked that I give her the back story on a comment I left on her blog so I figure since I’ve literally got nothing else I might as well satisfy her curiosity.

Without further ado….back when I was a stressed out, underappreciated and overworked senior attending a Jesuit University in Philadelphia I decided it would make sense to lighten my load by taking a nonsense class. Considering my rather hectic work schedule that required me to be class free on Fridays, by night I was a directory assistance operator, my course selection was restricted to classes offered Mon-Thur. Additionally I’d have to find something that interested me. With that small list of requirements I found myself in student services rearranging my schedule.

Not surprising there were only a few classes that even fit the mold. Now I would have preferred to take advanced Psychology considering I’d already taken the intro course. My initial thought was that while not 100% aligned to my major, Criminal Justice, it linked quite nicely and would compliment my growing resume of Criminology and Sociology classes. Just for shits and giggles I’d taken two Philosophy classes…you know trying to be well rounded and read. Unfortunately it was offered on that frigging M/W/F schedule so it was a no go.

After about a half hour of toiling futilely through the catalogue I happened upon an Intro to Art class. Booyah! Believe it or not this was right up my alley. Back in the day I was very much into sketching and the course description said it would be an introduction to sketching, sculpting and painting. And to put it over the top, it was offered on Wednesdays for three hours at night, and I know I said I worked at night but Wed was my night off so this seemed like it dropped from the sky above.

Like every good rainbow severing the clouds from the heavens above it started first as rain….well in this case more like an amusing Caribbean shower. My first night in class I didn’t know what to expect. The course details didn’t indicate what if any materials we needed, it just said something like bring your imagination…no problem there I had mine in tow with me all day. To that end I guess I was more than prepared.

The art classroom was pretty small, oh wait the word is quaint isn’t it or maybe intimate. Yes yes, the art classroom was intimate. It held enough room for 14 students and 1 professor comfortably. Once inside I began chit chatting it up with the other students. I wanted to know if they’d been given any advance notice of the materials we’d need going forward…you know I’m anal like that. No one seemed to know and the professor was nowhere in sight.

My life as a career student had taught me that on the first day of class teachers and students alike are equally capable of being up to 15 minutes late so I wasn’t going to stress out that he was tardy to the party. Of course with 14 or so random students of differing ages, majors and sexes the conversation soon turned to recent parties and a whole bunch of other debauchery, ah college!

Anywho I’d taken up talk with a relatively cute butter pecan Puerto Rican hombre to my immediate left, for what it’s worth we’ll call him Butter Pecan for the rest of this post or BP for short. He was local Philly not imported Jersey like so many of the other students. This was rather refreshing. Standing to Butter Pecan’s immediate left was an overly tan large haired individual reminiscent of Bon Jovi but I didn’t give it much thought because I was lost in silly flirty convo with Butter Pecan.

By ten minutes in the room was pretty loud with tons of side conversations and the like. Suddenly and I say suddenly because before anyone could realize it Mr. Bon Jovi took center stage. And you know I say center stage because it dawned on me in that very moment in the middle of the intimate classroom there was a sort of podium type contraption with painters clothe draped across it, subtle details.

Once on stage Mr. Bon Jovi dropped trou!!!!!! Yes you read that right; he dropped trou in front of everyone with no warning. And really it took me by surprise in particular because he was so dang close to Butter Pecan that it almost had the appearance that Mr. Bon Jovi was giving BP a private show. Of course that wasn’t the case but you know appearances. After de-clothing all willy nilly he struck a sort of work of modern art pose and held it. And yes if you guessed that the room fell monastery silent you’d be 100% right except for some horriprised (horrified and surprised) gasps from the collective peanut gallery.

What broke the silence, Butter Pecan of course saying, “Damn dude you could have given us some kinda warning, yo! I wasn’t even prepared for that. (Turning to face me) Aye Yo, what the hell, he don’t even have no drawers on…it’s cold as shit outside.”

Hmmm this situation is uncomfortable, at least I’m not alone in my uncomfortable-ness.

I understood BP’s frustration or maybe slight awkwardness, hell the classroom was full of folk caught completely off guard, I mean it’s not too often someone de-clothes in a semi crowded room.

My only response, “Yup you’re right he’s not wearing any underwear!”

Before long the professor walked in and instructed us to pick up a sketch pad from along the wall and begin capturing Mr. Bon Jovi’s “essence.” When he said that all I could really see was his hair…you know because I felt it slightly inappropriate to stare at his little man jewels. Even still the teacher liked my work…he said that he could feel Mr. Bon Jovi’s energy in my rendition even though I’d forgotten his essentials.

Even though I went through a semester of nudes and got relatively comfortable with the concept of holding normal conversation with someone who suddenly de-robes I never ever really got comfortable with the sculpting, painting or sketching of the essentials.

8 Pardon My French:

ReformingGeek said...

Um, wow. I don't think I could do that. I would be one giggling.


cardiogirl said...

Well done, Faith!

I believe my favorite phrase today is, "horriprised (horrified and surprised)..."

It's not often I am horriprised but it's a wild sensation when it does occur.

Thanks for indulging my curiosity; you're a great blogging pal!

ONE of THE GUYS said...

I knew that was coming, but I was still surprised how it happened.

Too funny!

I have no idea how those models can do that. Stand in front of a class and just pose. Especially when it's cold!

La'Tonya Richardson said...

OMG, Faith, I am laughing soooo hard! I can imagine BP's face, Bon Jovi just dropping his clothes like that. Whew (wipping tears from my eyes)!

Like Cardiogirl, I love that word horriprised.

I can not stop laughing!

Carl said...

Hi Faith..Today I stumbled upon your blog and I am glad that I did. Great humor :) I loved it. I look forward to reading your work in the future.

Alicia aka "Fashiona" said...

Funny...I love BP's honesty. Definitely reminded me of classes at Parsons.

Jason said...

This is a great blog you have here. I have a humor blog as well which I hope will bring laughter to people around the world. Life is hard enough. I was wondering if we could do a link exchange. Please let me know if this is possible.

HilariousHeadlines TALK

ONE of THE GUYS said...

Happy New Year!


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