A Quarter Life Crisis

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Weekly Rant: MSM (Men Sleeping with Men)…but not Gay?!?!?!?!?!?

Granted there are a lot of concepts that I just don’t understand. I don’t proclaim to be any type of molecular scientist or Einstein freak of nature genius but on average I get most things. MSM or men sleeping with men, but not gay, I just don’t get….on any level.

Let me preface this post with a small disclaimer: I am in no way homophobic or mean this to demean, taunt or otherwise offend any members of the gay, lesbian, bi or transgendered community (which probably means I will but I truly do not). I heart gay peoples like I heart straight folks. Besides some of my best friends are either gay or bi curious.

The other day I ran across this post that discussed the “phenomena” of men sleeping with men but aren’t gay similar to semester lesbians with one caveat. A semester lesbian is a girl who dated or had sex with other chicks during college, grad or high school (whatever your form of higher ed) but in her adult life is straight and only dates men. (I don’t buy this either but again I never was lesbian for a semester so this could be yet another bean to throw into the jar of things I don’t understand). However a MSM continues a sexual relationship with men for life.

It matters not to me about the category. A bird by another name is still a bird. I can call it a hog but at the end of the day if it picks up and flies away it’s a flying hog….I kid I kid, it’s a bird. You get my drift.

In an event, society places a stigma on those who self identify as gay, lesbian, bi or transgendered. Because of this I do understand the defense mechanism to cloak and morph into Mr. or Mrs. What Society Wants. But doesn’t that get old? Don’t you want to just unfasten society’s button exhale and let it all hang out? Maybe not but in my experience lies weigh heavy.

Not to mention and sorry this is my opinion if you’re attracted to men sexually and you’re a man…ding ding ding that’s the definition of gay and the same goes for women. I’m sorry about the category it might make your panties ride but it is what it is. And I don’t subscribe to that age old double standard that women can lick it up with another chick toss the pictures in a box of memories and say oh remember in 1999 when I was lesbian. Sexuality unlike hair color doesn’t wash or grow away with time. Or at least it doesn’t how I understand it. If I can grow out of my sexual attraction to men I would like to do that at age 99 or so you know because I love me some him…I mean I’m just saying if there’s a choice in the matter.

Besides I have enough cleave for two people already I don’t need any other nipples joining the party.

This is not to say that there’s anything wrong with being a lesbian. Whatever floats your boat row. I will admit I don’t quite understand why women who identify as lesbian date butch women who look like men…I mean seriously you’re missing out on the most fun part of that there male type situation if you get my drift. But alas if it makes you happy keep on chucking.

My one issue and yes I admit it is an issue with this MSM thing, the deceit. Most well let me not say most but a lot of these gents are married or in committed relationships with women, major no no. In particular because their female counterparts are out of the loop and have no clue about their hombre’s extracurricular activities. Such a web we weave. If you’re engaging in sexual relations with other men for whatever reason, out right denial of being gay just for fun or a physical release I think you have an obligation to let your wife, girlfriend and/or significant other know. Just because you don’t think you’re gay or bi or whatever doesn’t mean you’re not and you should give your wife, girlfriend and/or significant other the option of being involved in your lifestyle (for lack of a better word).

Granted you might lose a girlfriend or two but isn’t it better to live your life as you truly are. Not to mention that having multiple sexual partners lends itself to double the STD fun. And not to beat a dead horse but anal and oral sex are the riskiest forms of sexual contact. I’m not pointing any fingers and we should all be safe sexual beings but uh when you’re lying to your strictly monogamous girlfriend about banging Harry from down the block during the all male review poker night you are putting her in a rather compromising situation emotionally along with risking her life. And that’s not cool.

So while you’re happy dipping Harry, which is totally your right, you’re playing Russian roulette with ole Faithfull’s life and could very well psychologically destroy her (you know I have a flare for the dramatics). I heard from a friend of friend (granted this could have been drunk girl talk or urban legend) of a girl walking in on her boyfriend bent over a couch by his closet closest buddy…long story short she took a trip to the local psyche ward and he took a trip to the hospital. Sometimes honesty is the best policy.

At the end of the day, MSM is code to me for Down Low Dude and Gay Men in Denial. It really all means the same thing. All I ask is for people to be open and honest about who they are and what they do. No one wants to end up the highlight on the evening news for something that is very very very avoidable.

6 Pardon My French:

ReformingGeek said...

Good post. I totally agree with your thoughts on sexual preference. It's different than experimentation, which usually happens when you are young.

I just can't imagine two mature men having sex with each other but claiming they aren't gay. Maybe if it happened one time, one could claim experimentation but if it continues, um, no. I don't buy it.

And, cheating is cheating whether you're boffing another man or another woman.

cardiogirl said...

Best line so far. Made me stop to laugh out loud, re-read and laugh some more.

... women can lick it up with another chick toss the pictures in a box of memories and say oh remember in 1999 when I was lesbian.

I'm not even finished reading this yet, but I'm starting my comment before I go back for the rest.

Loved that line.

Okay, so now we have this sideline activity out there? This is just like a Cosmopolitan to add to the menu among the beer and margaritas? What the hell?

Like you, I don't really get what the thrill is on the other side of hetero. Live and let live. But I truly don't get the bi crowd.

I don't get it. I don't really get lesbians either. I don't want to get too caught up here, but isn't one chick strappin' on? And if so, what's the point when Jim down the hall could do the same?

Back to the point. I find it hard to believe there are complete and total bi folks out there who get joy from both sides. I don't get it.

It really does seem like an either/or to me. And it does seem wild to consider how two, uh, straight men casually discover that they're both totally hetero but, you know, they enjoy a little side action.

I wonder if it changes the equation if one guy is "straight" and the other guy is admittedly gay.

Man I wish you had the web address for that blog.

ettarose said...

I never understood the whole "strapping" one on thing either, until I asked a gay friend of mine about it. She said it is not the dick they don't like, it is what it is attached to. I agree if you are traveling the Hershey Highway with your poker (get it poker) buddy then I am sorry but you ARE gay

Where is Ashley? said...

I know right? ha, but you see it ALL the time. I never knew until I stopped and looked around. I've notice how "friendly" guys even act in public, but when you ask the famous question, "Are you gay?", sometimes I am surprised to hear a "no". WTF?

Chaotically Calm said...

@Reforming, it's a far stretch of the imagination for two men to willingly participate in a sexual act together and then jump up and say I'm not gay I was just trying it out.....something smells funny in Denmark.

@Cardio, I found the article, it is now linked to this post. Oh I never can quite wrap my mind around this scenario. The strap on thing doesn't make sense to me well because you can get a man with less effort. It seems this will go down in the book of things Faith will never understand.

@Ettarose, I'm with you if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...it's a duck!

@Ashley, if you suspect I would say keep it moving, it's better to be safe than sorry.

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