A Quarter Life Crisis

Rants With Atmosphere!!!

Week in Review: Like Old Times with Model Friend, I Hate the Red Eye and Sidityness Reigns Supreme…

This is gonna be a little lengthy folks, so buckle up and enjoy the ride.

May I start with saying that it was all types of great to see Model Friend! She looked the same, had the same gross so unladylike behavior (Including but not limited to her telling me she thought her pits were a little skanky. Why 90% of the male population finds her attractive baffling, I kid.) and it was fantabulous. Albeit very short lived given my two day jaunt in the sunny California weather but a nice treat between business meetings. She took me to a hella sweet Thai place where I ordered some flat noodle seafood vegetable contraption that I can’t pronounce, shrimp tempura and tasted some of her yellow curry chicken. Did I mention scrumptilicious! The leftovers we sent to her future husband for final consumption, he appreciated this

Great eats and great company make for a great night even with the slight jet-lag. Insert I’ve been on a lot of planes in the past few days right, this is rhetorical.

We hashed about He Who Must Not Be Named, evidently I forgot to tell her all the dramaticals. I tire of telling the tale. Anywho I spilled and she listened and then of course gave me the sistah girl oh no he didn’t face when I told her he called from the foreign number to get me to answer. As a true friend she did ask if I’m alright and I told her I’m fine, which is true it’s water under the bridge now.

And shocking news to her, not you faithful readers, that I’ve sorta been seeing Mailroom Boy. She gave me the side-eye for not telling her sooner.

Model Friend: Have you sexed him?
Me: Hell no! Just can’t picture it in real life. (No need to go into the dream sequence but as many have pointed out what happens in your subconscious is not indicative of what you want or desire to happen in the flesh.)
Model Friend: That’s a strong no…why can’t you go there?
Me: I don’t know.
Model Friend: Well you better figure it out soon because you already set the date kiss expectation and you know what that leads to.
Me: Maybe I should test it out right…
Model Friend: Uh yeah…NO!

We both laugh and change the topic. A little later I share a little morsel, part of the reason I presume why I can’t go there with him. Now underneath my killer drive to scale the corporate ladder, there is a part of me that wants the picket fence and what comes along with that little girl fantasy. But and it’s a big but Mailroom Boy already has half of that fantasy.

Let me explain. There’s something to be said, in my humble opinion and maybe this makes me slightly old fashioned, about sharing firsts with your husband, in particular buying a joint home, having children or hell even trivial stuff like sky diving, whatever. I don’t know I could be wrong I’ve never been married. Granted I don’t want children but as I told Model Friend I am completely willing to sacrifice that major lack of a want for a husband. And in that case if I were to go against my own grain I want my greatest sacrifice to be his first child, point blank period. On that I can make no concession. And because of this I may be very single for a very long time to come. In Mailroom Boy’s case he already has a 7 year old daughter, cute kid, not mine.

Model Friend says that I over-think everything. She asked why I was putting this much thought into one a guy when he’s probably not putting that much thought into me outside of do I like her don’t I like. I didn’t have an answer that night besides I thought she was right. On my wonderific (that is sarcasm) flight back to Philadelphia, the late night red eye from LAX I had time to really think about our conversation.

Seriously a lot of time to think considering the woman screaming behind me in Cambodian at her unruly children kicking my seat for 5+ hours not to mention I couldn’t even get a blanket because they were sold out. The flight attendants said something to her multiple times and her oldest son, he was seated across the aisle sort of translated. My assumption is she didn’t speak English at all but you don’t have to understand or speak English to know that at 1AM in the morning your kids should be sleep and you shouldn’t be yelling. You know putting your finger to your lips and mouthing shhhhhssshhh is universal, at least I thought so. Either way I could still hear and feel the commotion with iPod so I had a lot of time to think, my favorite pastime. Please excuse the digression.

It really wasn’t thought I was putting into Mailroom Boy per se as much as it was thought about what I want out of my life (Quarter-Life Crisis Anyone). True life isn’t an equation and love isn’t the X, to solve for. But at the end of the day I can’t be anyone but me, a person more driven by logical analysis than overrun by emotion. Minus two of course, I put my faith and emotions in two men in this young life. One of the two failed miserably shaping the Faith I am today. The other, Future Husband will be forever the one who got away and maybe because of that I am destined to see-saw through men who never quite meet the bar. Our lives, Future Husband and I, were in two very different places at the time and I wasn’t ready to share his path, end of story (sort of there’s a lot more but this post is already past my normal length). Settling just doesn’t seem like the appropriate option.

Anywho, Model Friend said that I need to accept my sidity, she may be on to something. My absolute number one pet peeve is lacking motivation. From what I know of Mailroom Boy he seems completely OK with his situation which I can’t stomach. And for him maybe it’s not a situation. I on the other hand see it very much as one. I asked him about his job and he told me that he took his current position because it’s easy and he can get away with doing whatever he wants which is normally nothing. Although recently he said he thinks he needs a career since turning 33 it’s about time. Interesting, but as Granny SJ says the proof is in the pudding. He is very unaggressive about his future, I don’t like that. I want someone who’s future oriented while I do live in the now I also plan for tomorrow. Someone with a similar theme is necessary or I will be a grumpy tomato.

OK I’ve already shared the child thing and how I feel about it so there’s no need to harp on the issues I see here. Not to mention that I don’t appreciate how he downs his daughter’s mother. As I’ve explained to him before his daughter’s mother is a reflection of him, he chose her. She didn’t impregnate herself, I make no concessions here and will not stand for the bad mouthing because I don’t know the woman and his side of the situation is just that, his side of the story. I asked him if she trapped him, he said no; well zip your lips then.

And this is just me being very sidity I know but it is what it is, I don’t want to be responsible for driving “us” everywhere or housing “us” if it’s late and we need somewhere to stay. I am not a teenager and don’t believe in the keep it quiet while my mom is sleep rule. Granted I have a roommate but at any moment I can kick my brother out and live alone, he doesn’t have that option since he lives in his Aunt’s home. You can’t make rules when it’s not yours. And I presume this wouldn’t bother me so much if he could at least pick me up. I drive for work I don’t want to have to drive for play all the time.

This also got under my skin on the night we went to the diner but I didn’t let it show because I don’t wave my money in anyone’s face (not that I have money because I feel the crunch of the recession like everyone else). When we’ve actually gone out in the past I’ve always offered to go dutch because I don’t want him to think I’m some gold digger, not that it would really apply in this situation. He’s never taken me up on my offer. Anywho our diner bill was a measly 14 bucks, I repeat 14 bucks…his card was declined. No no no! I’m not upset about paying the bill, I am curious about his financial responsibility though.

OK you guys can tell me how unreasonable and flakey and whatever I am being but at the end of the day I feel women seek men who make them feel secure. I feel not one ounce of security with Mailroom Boy. On a positive note, he’s sweet as pie, an absolute gentleman, can talk to him for hours without tiring and he makes me laugh…there’s something to be said for all of those things!

PS. The Little Brother said, “Damn dude need to get his shit right yah mean!”

Oh and he doesn’t like dogs….WTF?????

P.S.S I didn’t have to go to upstate Jersey today, I am all types of happy because Insomnia is back in full effect. Kick rocks Insomnia for real.

8 Pardon My French:

True2me said...

I think you should date and be serious w whom you are comfortable doing so with

You are "siddity" cause you dont want to date a mailroom MAN with a child already

You dont want children and you prefer if your mate at least have some drive (and to me he sounds lazy, liking his job because he can get away w doing NOTHING)

there is nothing wrong w your standards..do you ..

but I dont see why u cant have fun w him for a while lol

ReformingGeek said...

Yeah, it's starting to sound like MailRoom Guy is just someone to hang with. Keep your options open!

Mrs. O said...

I think the negative things you listed about Mailroom Boy are way more important to a long term situation than the things you like about him. If those things bother you now, they are going to drive you absolutely crazy if things get more serious! But, I agree with True2me, no reason why you can't keep him around for entertainment purposes for the time being.


You've already made up your mind...everything you said, rather typed is in the proof.

Being that you work in the same office, you might want to cut it soon though...you know I'm all game for "fun" but if he gets emo, you gotta see him everyday at work

Side note: It baffles me why someone who is 33, not married, lives with Auntie. I mean I get it, he has a kid, but the little half-pint can't be taking his whole check...and if she is, maybe he needs to man up and get a part-time job, or side gig. Cause I'm sure he was embarrassed his $14.00 got rejected

La'Tonya Richardson said...

Glad you and Model Friend had a good time. Girl, you fly just as much as the fly jock!

I so understand wanting what you want! Settling is not meeting your goal or idea. Yeah sometimes we have to adjust, but I so feel you on wanting the first with a man. And it that makes you sidity, wear it well. There is nothing wrong with working in the mailroom, and as much as I like Mailroom Boy, a man, or anyone for that matter, should have goals! At least to one day run the mailroom! I'm with Baby Bro.

I'm with Steve Harvey, a man does three things to show his love, Provide, Protect, and Profess. It doesn't look like Mailromm Boy can provide.

And that's all I've got to say about THAT!

cardiogirl said...

Oh boy. I have to say hearing more about MRB is not helping his case.

What would bother me most is the same -- working under his potential and a lack of solid credit. If he was declined for $14 bucks he's not paying close attention to his account.

Oy. Maybe you'll end up being best friends instead.

mr. nichols said...

So I read this Sunday night I think it was at like 2 in the morning or something. You gave me a lot to think about so I didn't want to respond just yet. But the more I read, the more it seems to me like you'd be settling if you took your relationship to the next level with MRB. I know nobody's perfect, but it just doesn't seem like he has that extra something that you need. Now, I do agree with some of the other comments that he seems like a decent dude to kick it with and whatnot, but it gets tricky if he feels a certain way because then he might misinterpret things you do and think you're leading him on.

Chaotically Calm said...

@True, well I guess I better wear it proud...but I would like to say my reason for not taking Mailroom boy seriously has more to do with his attitude than his chosen profession. It might seem that way given his pseudo name but I honestlty could care less if he was a garbage man if he had some type of drive.

@Reforming, don't worry I plan to keep the options way open...I am not the settling type.

@Mrs O, you're 100% right if I were in high school it wouldn't even be that big of an issue (besides the kiddie) but I just can't see me taking him seriously.

@Diva, at 33 with no life direction = not cute. We can chill and go to fun don't matter events but I can't take it anywhere else with him. I think I just needed to see it all in print.

@La'Tonya I never read Steve Harvey's book but he has a very valid point. Don't get me wrong Mailroom Boy has some endearing qualities they just don't tip the scale where I am going to take him a serious relationship prospect. He is around for fun :-D

@CG, I heard somewhere that there's nothing worse than wasted talent. When I see someone working beneath his potential it makes me frustrated. There's so much opportunity if we seek it out.

@Mr Nichols, you're right no one's perfect but I do hold fast to the idea that there is person out there that hits the short list. Sam Keen said that true love isn't about loving a perfect person but loving an imperfect person perfectly. In any event he's a cool guy and there's nothing wrong with friends, right?


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