A Quarter Life Crisis

Rants With Atmosphere!!!

Does Size Matter.....

OK if I hear another ExtenZe commercial/infomercial/radio advertisement I will go barnyard mad. That is not my subtle take on exaggeration either, that is hell to the no real life. Am I the only one tired of it; can someone, anyone explain why these ads monopolize good radio and TV airtime. Given the sensitive nature of said ad one would presume a late night after the demons little angels turn off the lights (yeah Teddy Pendergrass, don’t act like I’m the only one who automatically hears the song) and hop in the sack might make better sense....

Granted I could be alone. Maybe you truly enjoy the sneaky innuendo, that certain part of a man’s anatomy because clearly someone might break into fits of uncontrollable pain to hear, dare I say penis. Uh oh the improper police are gonna arrest me, I said penis. Don’t push me I might say….vagina! Check me out...

Although vagina just sounds dirty. I don’t know why it does, but it does. Of course not nearly as filthy as say, c*nt or p*ssy. No lady would ever utter such blasphemy, it’s just crude. Personally I prefer cunny, which I learned from this super smart historical textbook I read, The Other Boleyn Girl.

And when you think about it, why are all the words for the female downtown bonanza all yucky (very technical term I know). Oddly I am ok with saying junk, balls, schlong, the little plumber….oh is that just me?

Of course when I was young the Man Wander Married called everything by code name. I was probably in middle school before I truly understood that wing wing wasn’t the anatomical word for a man’s junk. Ha ha do you like how I didn’t actually use the right word, subtle right? Although I knew the word for the lady parts I preferred to use the term pocketbook. Not that this was any better than my dad’s genius wing wing, imagine my confusion when Wander asked me to hand her my pocketbook.

Anywho my gripe or minor rant is about this ExtenZe airwave assault. Come now folks, what the frig is going on? Gone are the days when sexually dysfunctional men hid in corners hoping no one took notice. For some reason they’re brazen, proud even to get on the telly wagging a limp willy (Simmer down Faith that’s Viagra). Oh wait it’s their lack of girth this magic pill solves. Because as the commercial painfully points out, every morning interrupting my funlarious morning show Big Boi’s Neighborhood, women care about size (girth and width not length).

And it’s true maybe us womenfolk are making you men feel all types of inadequate. So much so you’re willing to get on national television and make an ass out of yourself to prove you can please your wife, girlfriend the slut in your office, whatever. So now when you stop at the gas station on a late night condom run you also pocket a little packet of ExtenZe for that extra fun. Did you know they sell those things at Sunoco? Clearly it packs a mighty punch and you will forever be remembered by that random hook-up girl from the bar as the widest no length penis having freak whose name she can’t quite remember.

It’s a competition, clearly a man thing. I mean how would it sound if you walked up on a group of unsuspecting females and one of them was bragging about the size of her vagina. Maybe in some sell it for money circles this is normal conversation, I wouldn’t know for sure having no first hand experience.

But really I wouldn’t be so bothered if the ads ran concurrently with programming of like content. I mean if say one of the commercials came on during Taxicab Confessions (does this show still come on) not while watching the NBA finals it would make perfect sense. Or if the half hour full on infomercial came on at three in the morning when the little tykes are sound asleep (seriously this is irresponsible, why not just throw them a party with a blow up doll and a dildo as a mascot…was that too far). It just gets under my skin.

Thoughts people, am I getting bent out of shape over trivial bullsh*t?

PS. Gents, size does matter, LMAO!

6 Pardon My French:

Shawn Smith said...

yeah some of those commercials are out of hand.....


Those commercials for that "not so fresh feeling" used to come on during traditional women's programming too.

Besides, I like the music from ol' Smiling Bob's commercial.

timethief said...

I have never seen these commercials and consider that to be a blessing. It's amazing what lengths (no pun intended) these companies who serve men with sexual dysfunctional problems will go to to get their products before an audience.

I'm more concerned about health issues than the inappropriateness of the commercials. I think we have lost the advertising battle long ago as feminine hygienic products and diapers for adults are here to stay.

I think all men ought to be very cautious about taking herbal supplements and other pharmaceutical drugs as well.
All-natural sex pills pose hidden dangers
Herbal sex pills pose hidden dangers
"That dirty secret represents a special danger for the millions of men who take nitrates -- drugs prescribed to lower blood pressure and regulate heart disease. When mixed, nitrates and impotency pharmaceuticals can slow blood flow catastrophically, leading to a heart attack or stroke." http://lateline.muzi.net/news/ll/english/10054078.shtml

True2me said...

hey...the commercials dont bother me

sex is a part of our society..shoot in other parts of the world, they put it out there..we are still actin like "prudes" over here and I Dont understand why

not that we should all go around talking sex out in the open, but a late night ad or too doesn't bother me at all


I actually pefer the word Penis...but Mr. H, says it makes it sound small....so to refer to his as a d*ck,

You should go to Jamaica... things they say there will make you blush and don "earmuff hands" every few minutes!

La'Tonya Richardson said...

No it's not just you. Recently, we were watching TV on a Sunday, evening, my parents, children and I. And one of those commercials came on. What the freak? I'm watching TV with the kids, and... my parents. The sun was still out! It wasn't late night, early in the morning, or something they had no business watching.

What about the K Y Jelly commercials? Again during the middle of the day, watching TV with the kids. My baby asked, "Why do they show that nasty stuff?" She's nine, she gets it.

Do they think they are being so crafty that kids don't get it? They are so wrong. It's time we as consumers complain!

Chaotically Calm said...

@Shawn, I could see how those commericials might give some the skeevies.

@Timethief, it's very interesting that people believe this...I was under the impression that either a man has it or he doesn't. I get the whole Viagra thing it increases a man's blood flow but the size of your package is just that.

@True, I have no problem with sex. I think parents should be open and honest about it with their children etc etc. My issues is more about the time and the place. Sex is not appropriate talk at every venue just like religion and politics.

@Diva, I have a friend similar to Mr. H, he says the same thing.

Jamaica, maybe that's where I can go to fill up the vacation time I requested since I'm not going to Spain...

@LaTonya, yes you hit the nail on the head. By not saying the words I guess they think kids aren't getting the messaging. Well I know that they are. I just feel like everything has an appropriate time and place. In the middle of evening you know 5PM during the news just doens't seem like the right time to air a sex lube or penis enhancement commercial.


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