A Quarter Life Crisis

Rants With Atmosphere!!!

That Grinds My Gears Part II

Yes I am adding a Part II to my Grinds My Gears because some things have just gotten under my skin a bit lately. Not enough to make me go ape shit on anyone in particular but I was just giving some thought to things that make me want to consider the tiniest minuscule possibility of going partly ape shit on people....and folks this isn't limited to any one group I am taking aim at everyone even myself.

Unlike my previous posting about my gears getting ground this one will be in bullet point format not my usual rants of consciousness or atmosphere as Jenn from Of Cabbages and Kings so nicely named it.

The following list of ish that puts my panties in a knot are in no particular order:
  • Why does it take the IT department an entire business day to upgrade my computer? It's about the same feeling you have when you leave your cellphone on the counter, I can't operate without my technology. Those damn IT bastards lobbed off my right tit leaving me all discombobulated and off balance, you get my drift I'm sure.

  • It irks the hell out of me when people ask to borrow an ink pen.....hello is there any other kind of pen. And really why say borrow you mean keep. No one gives the pen back once he/she leaves your sight and honestly that was the intention.

  • The pipes in my bathroom suck ginormous donkey ass, why regardless of plunging lunatic style until tiny beads of sweat roll from my forehead does the drain still remain clogged? I blame my landlords! And to add to that the plunger leaves a rindonkulous black rubber stain in the tub which forces me to work major elbow grease with my Mr. Clean Magic Eraser (this product is awesome, everyone should go out an purchase a handful).

  • Why does the chick that sits in the cubicle beside me sigh all day long like those old damsel in distress westerns. Sweetie believe me that won't eliminate the work and you're not meeting a cowboy any time soon. This is flat out annoying as hell!!!!

  • Pronouncing creek, crick!!!!! It's a creeeek for God's sake, work with me people.

  • Calling a cheese steak a Philadelphia or Philly cheese steak. If it has the title Philly proceeding the steak it's 100% not the real deal. No one from Philly says that, this is borderline retarded.

  • When parents allow their children to run similar to a pack of untamed cheetah. If you didn't want to train those little bastards you shouldn't have had them, I am not part of every one's raising children village. I have a Godson and that's all I really need. Keep those suckers on a leash.....figuratively speaking.

  • Parents who stroller ride 7 yr olds, unless the kid's suffering from some physical disability make those germ balls walk, this is why we have an obesity epidemic on our hands, y'all have seen the Maury shows with the 200lb 10yrs I'm not the only one thinking this. Side note this has to be uncomfortable for the kids because their feet sweep the floor and are all bent up underneath the bottom of the stroller.

  • Hurted, Loveded and Conversate (includes conversating and conversated).....yeah someone needs an English class these are not words!!!! Don't get me wrong I screw up grammar all the time and I use words that don't exist like ginormous but that's my writing and talking style I recognize when I am bastardizing the English language, most don't.

  • That I am neurotically opposed to hair anywhere besides my head, if it were cost effective to eliminate hair from every part of my body I would consider. In my former life I've made gentleman shave as well....yes I am that neurotic about it.

  • It bothers me when adult women wear white patent leather shoes....normally it's of the knee boot family which is tacky tacky tacky, sorry this is just my opinion.

  • Nothing comes on TV anymore besides moronic reality shows that in actuality are very much scripted. What ever happened to sitcoms, OK OK The Office & My Name is Earl are pretty funny but not enough for me to make it home to see them besides everyone has DVR (except me because I refuse to pay Comcast any more of my blood, sweat and tears!)

  • TSA workers who refuse to get more bins so I can heap my crap in in order to make my flight on time. It irks the f**k out of me that 20 mindless twits in royal blue sweaters stare at me struggling to smash a winter coat and knee boots into one tiny gray bin, jackarses!!!!!

  • AT&T Wireless for making me pay full price to upgrade my phone in between contract upgrades.....they are massive size whack-jobs I know you don't make money off the cell phones you make money off the plans it shouldn't matter if I want a new phone betwixt my contract cycle-LOSERS!

  • People who call me and ask if I'm awake.....yeah because I haven't discovered the magic of answering while sleep.

  • Servers, waitresses or people in fast food who bridge the top of your cup with their hands.....now I can't drink that because I have no clue if your hands are clean. Here's a same difference story, the other day I'm at Cosi getting a salad and for some reason the cashier copped an attitude because I didn't want her to put my bread in the bag. Look lady you could have been twat twiddling before this I don't want that in my mouth I ain't your man.

  • Guys who can't come up with decent date plans or leave it up to me to think of everything, here's a thought grow an imagination you anti-spontaneous dickturd!

  • Women who go bra-less over a C cup, wear bras that create cone sword breasts and bras that appears as if you have no bra on whilst your fun bags swing just slightly above your waistband...here's a tip get measured and buy a bra that fits!!!!!!

OK I think that's enough for today but believe me the list could go on endlessly until next time when I feel like airing more grind my gear type behaviors.....odd I feel so much better!

7 Pardon My French:

Shawn Smith said...

Had some stuff on your chest I see...

Cubicle Sigher - The guy that sits behind me in our super cubicle does the same thing. Does it loud enough for everyone to hear him. Even does the loud complaining just so someone can ask what is wrong. No one does.

Conversate - ha ha, I'm guilty of saying this. Almost typed it out the other day in a post.

Good/bad TV - I agree. I love my DVR, I hate Comcast.

People who call me and ask if I'm awake - I usually say no and then hang up. When they ask why I did that, I just say, "I was sleep".

Guys who can't come up with decent date plans - It's harder than you think. Women don't know what they want to do. When a man makes a suggestion, the woman usually doesn't want to do it, so we have to follow up with "well, what do you want to do then?" Can't fault us for women's indecisiveness.

Me-Me King said...

Commercials - all of them. Just as one of my mindless reality shows has me sitting on the edge of my seat..here comes those Charles Schwab cartoon people. Arrrggghhh!

Chaotically Calm said...

@Shawn, please man stop using conversate it's just plain bad all around. The funnier thing is that a lot of people actually think it's a word and think they sound educated when they use it.

And my response to women not knowing what they want to do is a cop out....if you say you're taking me out plan a date based on who I am, what do you think I would like, at the end of the day it can only go one of two ways good or bad but at least give it some thought.

@Me-me, funny commericials don't really bother me. I normally take that time to finish writing something or begin working on the computer. I am the queen of multi-tasking.

Café Chick said...

Ooh, I love a good vent!
I can totally sympathise with the cubicle sigher, except my neighbour was a gay guy ... imagine your cubicle sigher times ten! LOL

M. said...

I was with you until the date thing. Date planning is difficult enough, but having to have two or three backup options for each "No, I don't want to do that" is ridiculous. Now, if he go no plan, I can see you, but if he's trying cut him some slack.

cardiogirl said...

I just ran across something like this on someone else's site and she was talking about grammar mistakes.

I'd like to add Kindergarten to the mix. It's not Kinny-garden.

It's Kindergarten.

Thanks :)

La'Tonya Richardson said...

I just haaaate white shoes!!! They're usually beat the hell up, and without a tap on the heel. What urks me the most about white shoes, is men wearing them. That makes me want to slap em'!


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