A Quarter Life Crisis

Rants With Atmosphere!!!

21 Jump Street's Attempted Resurrection


So I caved…..but it was calculated and intentional. 21 Jump Street (because he’s a p***y) texted me and said we needed to talk. My only assumption he’s so vain he probably thinks that Facebook message was about him, and it was so I guess he was right.

Anywho he texts and says he thinks we need to clear the air, get things out on the table and just discuss “us.” When did an “us” develop, I must have been watching commercials or something. My gut reaction was to let it slide, ignore the text message and move far far away from the past. But the idea of not confronting him bubbled in my stomach totally nauseating and I thought I’d probably earl if I didn’t say something (that was a ridonkulously gross analogy I’m just saying).

When he said let’s go to a relatively swanky restaurant on the main line I couldn’t very well pass up the opportunity to make his pocket’s bleed. I figured a five course meal is a great parting gift considering his lying ways. The Best Friend said that she was proud and overjoyed I never played naked twister with him but I know that was her perverted way of saying she’s glad he didn’t really get behind the walls and hurt me.

At least this is what I think she meant because sometimes she is just talking about sex, hey to know her is to love her, digressing!

He showed up exactly six and one half minutes later than his expected time which was a touch irritating because he’d already pushed back our pre-arranged meeting time due to “making a run.” Everyone knows I don’t operate on colored people time, it pisses me off. If he was picking me up this probably would have gone a lot worse since I hate waiting idly for someone dressed and ready but nowhere to go. Luckily Nurse Friend allowed me to talk her ear off while I waited and watched the valet drive people’s fantuboulsy expensive cars.

Avoiding the pick me up drop me off thing was a good call on my part besides that’s too date-like and then there would be some awkwardness at drop off, do we hug it out like old friends do I slam the door and just run up the stairs, far too many possibilities! Considering this was a drain his wallet and tell him about himself mission there was no reason to facade this up with dating actions. Besides if it turned narsty riding with him home wouldn’t be an option. Although he’s not the CB (Chris Brown) type or is he, obviously I don’t know him as well as I thought hence this whole “discuss us” rendezvous.

In any event we were seated rather quickly (it must be the recession being able to get a table on a Friday with no problems). At first conversation stalled. I didn’t really want to be there and I was under the table texting The Spaniard, so wrong but such as life!

Mid way through dinner it became obvious that 21 was never gonna address the “us” he referred to in the text nor the wool he attempted to pull over my eyes so again it appeared I had to lead the horse to water with a few prodding questions. The most important being how his grandmother was doing. He said that she’s ok and asks about me all the time. Moms and Grandmas totally heart me except one but that might have something to do with a certain living room table situation whatever! I proceeded to ask if he was staying in her house since moving her to the home to which he got a little defensive and said something like he told me this before that he’s living with a “friend.”

And by friend you mean girlfriend, right?

No not it’s not like that….I mean when we moved in together we were just cool you know homies but after a bit things started happening and we starting kinda seeing each other for a minute. But now you know we not together like that no more but I can’t just break my lease you know what I’m saying.

Yeah I hear what you’re saying doesn’t mean I have to agree, like or be a part of it. I don’t think it’s possible for two people of the opposite sex to live together unless one is gay or they are related. You’re whole “situation kinda proves my point as you say you were “homies” before co-habbing and some way slipped into a relationship.

But it’s a three bedroom house we have our own floors.

What does that mean exactly…there are common areas I’m sure, so how does it work when one of you has company? Just knowing you I’m sure you don’t like walking into your living room seeing a half naked men chilling watching sports center?

You have a point but my apartment is great, I can’t see moving out besides we still cool even though we not together, and believe me I would never ever go there again with her.

Yeah….ok, whatever.


And that’s where we left that, never really discussed the “us” because there is no us. The Little Brother said never burn bridges so I guess me and 21 are still semi friends but his attempted resurrection back into the possibly more than friends zone fell flat.

Jump Street did text me to see if we could hang out this weekend but the Spaniard filled his place…..oh oh oh muy caliente!!!

5 Pardon My French:

Fearless said...

It sounds like you handled the break-up with grace. His loss and he will have to face that when he sees you with a new man! You go girl!

DC DIVA DATING ADVENTURES said...

Do Men really think we are stupid??? Like we walk around with our heads in the clouds all day???

Oh, the co-habitating thing... a big WHATEVER sucka. (MEN!)

LOL @ "I was under the table texting The Spaniard" - ahhh, the good ol days :)

La'Tonya Richardson said...

Men don't realize we hear what they say, and then make our own decisions what to do with that information.

I love the names you have for everyone.. The Spaniard, The Nurse, 21 Jump Street, That one really makes me think of Johnny Depp from back in the day, when he looked like he had good sense!

Carl said...

'... don't burn the bridges...' Hmm... burn his house then. Or put this curse on him - may him have uncontrollable explosive diarrhea when he is driving.

Chaotically Calm said...

@Fearless, thanks for the kind words, at dinner I had a lapse of maturity I guess, plus I was making plans with a much cuter boy. Bad bad me I know.

@Diva yes I think 21 believes I come from the planet Born Yesterday. Such a butthole right. Oh but I will do a story all about the Spaniard shortly.

@La'Tonya, I try to pick names that truly suit the people without giving away anyone's identity for fear of lawsuit or other possible bodily harm as some aren't presented in the best of light. 21 Jump Street came from the fact that we (him and I) used to watch the series together after football games, ah memories.

@Carl, LMAO I'm over it but if someone else pisses me off I will def come back and hit em with the hocus pocus you just gave me. Ha ha

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