A Quarter Life Crisis

Rants With Atmosphere!!!

Wander Hurt My Feelings

Going through this quarter life crisis doesn't help when family and friends add to the mayhem and foolishness of it all. At a minimum of two times a week my brother, Jamil (not be confused with Jamal), and I steal dinner from Wander's kitchen. Bottom line here folks I loathe grocery shopping and am not the least bit interested in cooking. Not that I can't cook, because I make a mean baked ham and my fried chicken is to die for. Oh yeah I can throw down when I have to which I reserve for holidays and the like. No reason to flex the cooking muscles when they're not needed. But anyway I could care less about cooking and I am not my brother's girlfriend so I am not responsible for his stomach. Oh God I just had the worst incestuous thought which I am going to blame on Wander because she hurt my feelings the other day. And now we've come back full circle haven't we.

Anywho while thieving yet another well cooked meal from my mother she randomly mentioned that I should consider letting one of my friend's boyfriend hook me up with one of his friends. Shocked and a bit winded by the comment I proceeded to ask plainly if she was saying I needed to find a man. Jamil in the background chirped that's what he heard. Siblings are such instigators. And see I say this was randomly because we weren't talking about me and my lack of a steady boyfriend. Before I jump all over Wander's case in her defense she never sees any of the guys I, how shall I put this so when she reads this she doesn't yell, "date." I tend to keep my private life just that, private. There's really no good reason for my mother to meet people who are for lack of a better word tools. No sense in getting her cultivated locks in a knot over some dude I intend to give walking papers. Oddly in my head that last line had quite the ring to it, now it just sounds really really cocky, such as life.

Ok so I will let you in on a little secret, since getting my new job (back in April) I just haven't felt like dating. OMG I'm committing a mortal sin saying that out loud as a living breathing 27(cringing) yr old woman. I told my brother that the other day and he asked me if I was gay. And see this is why I don't share! How rindonkulous is that? Just because I'm putting men on the back burner I'm now all of a sudden a lipstick lesbian (you know cause I'm out of that tomboy phase I can't go all buzz cut and slacks lesbo). Rest assured family and friends I am not into woman, that's not my twist. All my lesbian readers that isn't to say that there's something inherently wrong with you I just don't flow that way, you know the only kitties I enjoy are my pets, Benson & Stabler!

Just when I thought I was getting the quarter life crisis ninjas off my back they somersault right back in with a stinging comment from my mother. I'm sure Wander had good intentions, she doesn't want me to be alone or some nonsense like that. Of course I do have two cats but I am in no way picking up a knitting habit, at least not yet and I don't even have a craft box like someone who will remain nameless. I mean I could see if I was depressed and crying on her shoulder like mommy am I ugly no one wants me. That is so un-Faith like. Maybe I can hire a date to meet my mom so she feels better...oh shit I forgot she reads this, now she won't believe me when I do introduce her. No worries it ain't that important anyway.

Am I going to end up with ten cats and a knitting habit, damn that quarter life crisis rearing it's ugly head.

2 Pardon My French:

Tommy Buettner said...

My deat buddy, I will say to you what I said to my sister...YOU ARE ONLY 27!!!! You do not NEED a boyfriend. You are your own person. Stick to your happiness. It doesn't mean you are gay (but the lipstick lesbian comment made me smile...heh heh heh)

cardiogirl said...

Absolute, favorite line:

"...cause I'm out of that tomboy phase I can't go all buzz cut and slacks lesbo."


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