A Quarter Life Crisis

Over the last few wks I've been having this recurring dream that I'm getting married. Ok so I do know that I have to be in a committed relationship before tying the knot but the brain wants what the brain wants. In any event I always wake up before I get to see the groom. This thoroughly pisses me off; God granting half a vision you know that whole no one knows His plan kinda of sticks it in and pulls it out. But I digress, I know the whole "issue" keeps popping into my head because as a child I designed a life road map unfortunately that's a path I seldom travel...by choice.

As a child, but mostly as a teenager I fantasized about the older, more adult version of me. Setting a storyboard for the every and anything of my life took a lot of time but what else is there for an awkward teenager transitioning from tomboy to chic femme to do? Anyway I outlined everything by age. At 21 I'd have graduated with a B/S in Criminal Justice on my way to law school at either Temple or Penn. Needless to say that at 21 althougth I did graduate with a B/S in Criminal Justice I was in no position to go to law school nor did I want to go. Getting as far away from a classroom was on the top of my list of priorities. If I saw another text book, listened to another lecture or wrote another 25+ page paper I would probably combust. And when I say combust I mean literally burst into flames and die.

Following that same logic by 26 I would be 3yrs into my law career engaged and planning a wedding. Sounds great right, almost as good as an episode of The Brady Bunch or The Cosby Show. To say that isn't my life is an understatement. Nope sorry to disappoint but there's no wedding coming soon and I never graduated from law school. Of course I never attended law school so don't think I'm a quitter or anything. After graduating with my bachelors in Criminal Justice I took up the most likely career as a workers comp adjuster. Because yes, after spending nearly 100k on your undergraduate education every one's jumping at the chance to adjust comp cases.

For a minute there after undergrad while schlepping along as a work comp adjuster the idea of law school looked like a beacon of hope. Of course this jaded view came as a result of being an adjuster. Believe me delivering pizzas or pole dancing held that same beacon-ness glow. (Side note I never danced on a pole for money.) And as an adjuster I met my fair share of attorneys. The grumpy, overly arrogant, too busy to talk, manipulative, cocky, snotty, nose in the sky overall think they're better than you bunch of know it alls who push their workloads off on assistants and paralegals; sorry after meeting them I didn't want to join the club. Of course there have been one or two who burst the stereotype at it's seems. One in particular comes to mind, every once and again we don't meet up for coffee. (That's an inside joke and I threw it in because he's short and needs reassurance) But I digress.

So, no I'm not planning a wedding. There's no fiance and no monster-in-law to impress or piss off for that matter. Sometimes I do get that itch....am I missing out on something better than what I have now? Would I be happier as a Susie Home Maker with a toddler and a picket fence? I think this is what the whole "quarter life crisis" is all about, trying to make me regret the decisions I've made. To think the new road map designed that has multiple directions and no finish line is bad because it's different.

People keep telling me I have the rest of my life ahead of me...so even though in the dream I can't see his face at the alter the good Lord is letting me know that one day the multiple paths of the road map will join and work out fine. I guess just not at 27 as I planned out at 15. And when you think about it, what does anyone know about life when she's 15. It would be nice to see his face though, at least I'd know who he was when I meet him!