A Quarter Life Crisis

As we begin to embark on the greatest eating holiday known to the free world I begin to wonder if this celebration holds the same lovey dovey feelings for Native Americans? Yes people I too get my philosophy on from time to time and believe it or not I was but an elf sneeze away from changing my major to Philosophy. Thinking that pondering over the if a tree falls in the forest and no one's around will it make a sound just didn't seem like it would help pay back student loans. Do we really believe that trees make noise for our listening pleasure? I am the first to admit as humans we're narcissistic a-holes who believe the world revolves around our arses but come on trees are huge. Noise doesn't just happen for our amusement, or does it? See philosophers are so sneaky. Yeah not sure where I was going with that, so Native Americans.

Thanksgiving has always been one of those good timey holidays for me you know besides the drunken exploits of that man Wander married AKA my daddy. It's fun for all surrounded by plates of turkey and stuffing and gravy and mash potatoes and string beans and cranberry sauce (I just threw up in my mouth)and coconut custard pie and sweet potato pie and so many more high calorie items that pretty much clog your arteries leading to early death. And there you have it, maybe that is the revenge of the Native America. While we run around "celebrating" the discovery of America by the Spaniards (I have trouble with the term discovery, to find, shouldn't it really say realize) what exactly are the Native American popping bottles to?

Sure, I could be over philosophizing this to death. Without a doubt I wouldn't pop champagne living on a reservation in a depressing corner of the land my forefathers once owned. Those damn pale faces with their you don't have documents saying you own this land yada yada yada. Not to mention damn near killing the Natives off with your narsty incurable diseases and gun powder. In that situation I might very well resort to scalping, I mean what else is there to do?

Sometimes I wonder if there is an anti-Thanksgiving party had by Natives where every one gets to spark peace pipes and make up clever names. Oh oh oh I want to be called Whispering Rain. Doesn't that sound cool, cause you know I'm part Apache. Wouldn't that entitle me to a part of some podunk reservation or even better a stake in the Casinos in CT. Hells Yeah there's probably some chilaxing and bottle popping going on there whether it's Thanksgiving or not.