A Quarter Life Crisis

If you had the daunting task of reading my last blog you probably think this has something to do with small men....well you're absolutely 100% WRONG!

So since I was mean to the dwarfs of the world yesterday I've decided to out myself. Anyone with eyes would be able to tell you that I have midgets. In other words I have huge knockers, melons, boobies, hooters, tits, fun bags, tig-o-bitties or breasts. Whatever playful term you like to use...I have 'em.

As much enjoyment as the twisted sisters brought me in my later yrs is synonymous with the amount of un-fun they brought me in my younger yrs. The boys cancelled my single handed female football career when I was a budding tomboy. It's kinda difficult to catch the pigskin when you're nearly getting hit in the face with 5lbs of extra flesh. Running, well that's a whole other job. Not to mention the distraction I posed to my fellow teammates. Bottom line...I retired early. (Side note developing breast led to my love of reading....had to find some way to spend the long summer hrs when mom couldn't afford camp)

Besides having to deal with oglers and nasty old men comments since I was 12 or 13, I coupled my torpedoes with a equal dose of clumsiness. Yes I am a klutz. The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. Not that I know of any cure for total lack of hand eye coordination...back to the point.

In the one vacation my family ever took together I had the most embarrassing moment of my life. Given the fact that I'm a super dork and a klutz it's kind of hard to believe one instance can stick out, but it does. Anyway, my sister, step sister and I where splashing around in some podunk man made lake, completely oblivious to the surroundings or the people. As I vigorously threw handfuls of green lake water at my sisters my friends wrestled their way free of my tankini top. Unknown to me because I still felt the clammy coolness of the water against my skin and the tankini straps on my shoulders, I had no idea they were floating on the surface of the lake. Now in true sisterly fashion those tyrants let the twisted sisters frolic for a good 5 minutes before losing their cool and burst into fits of uncontrollable laughter. Since laughter is contagious and for no other reason besides utter stupidity I joined in the chuckles.

So that let another 5 or so minutes of toplessness pile on, unknown to me of course. In the midst of the hysteria a small boy of about 10 had circled around us to see what the fuss was all about and to his surprise and mine the fun bags were dancing free as jay birds. At this point my sisters were doubled over and could hardly breath. It finally dawned on me that they, my sisters, were laughing at me not with me. Part of me didn't want to look down but I knew, I could just sense it besides the fact that the little pre-pubescent boy was staring wide mouth and soundless at chest-level. And there clear as day two lovely perfectly round boobies were floating on the water. In that instance I had an out of body experience looking at the scene thinking how dumb can that bimbo be, before I realized that that bimbo was me. I hurried to put the midgets away and ran back to the cabin where we were staying.

I probably ruined that little boy for life. Sometimes when I am stressed out I have the dream of that moment and all I see is that little boy gaping mouth starring at me with an awkward smirk in his eyes. What that means I don't know!

The moral to this story: Breasts are buoyant so keep them on a leash! :-D