A Quarter Life Crisis

Rants With Atmosphere!!!

The Dealio aka The Interesting Haps in the Last Few Weeks: Second Chances Are Hard to Come By….

Traveling to Vancouver every week is getting to be a bit much. Any semblance of a personal life has pretty much been wiped clean. Not that there has been much going on around those parts lately. But I prefer feeling my options are wide open not closed tight due to work obligations.

In any event while in Vancouver you’ll never guess who dialed my number or better yet sent a random feeler text my way….OK I know all three of you are in utter suspense….The Spaniard. Now now before going ape shit on me let me at least explain myself.

There’s been a little bit of a time gap (the anger boiled down to nil) since my last encounter with The Spaniard. And rightly so given the state of our disjointed union (something about finding out your quasi boyfriend having a wife can do that, go figure) but I presume he got an itch. For that I can’t really blame him. Side note: Someone needs to hold me back from myself because at the end of the day I’m truly at fault for entertaining his nonsense.

What is my weird fascination/obsession with this man?

My first mind said Faith don’t respond. Normally the first mind wins these conversations but the second mind said I wonder what excuse/lie/story he will tell in an attempt at mending the broken fence. Second mind continued talking and said you’re bored and in Vancouver with nothing but work to keep you company why not just see where this goes you have nothing to lose. With that guiding assumption, I bit the apple.

So after trivial I’m fine what are you doing these days how’s the family type of convo I basically started laughing. The Spaniard obviously didn’t see the humor surrounding the situation. I told him that I found it utterly hysterical that he could actually call me and talk to me as if yesterday we were bussing it up BFF style. As if nothing shy of two months ago I hadn’t learned, pretty assbackwardsly, that he is in fact married.

Silence….it was so quiet on the other side of the telephone I could hear hair growing. After a minute of nothing I said something like did I lose you in the titillating conversation friend! Fumbling with the precision of a teenage boy unfastening his first bra he began to ramble I’m sorry and how his marriage dissolved years ago but he needed to maintain that status in order to become a citizen. He has pretty limited dealings with his wife and they are in the process of getting a divorce. For all it’s worth this might actually be the truth. Ha ha I had to laugh at the ridonkulousness of that last line myself. It still doesn’t really explain why he lied from the beginning but I didn’t have the energy to play 1000 questions.

After providing that half ass story, blabbing about how he can’t imagine being with anyone else and he would do every and anything he needed for me to take him back he proceeded to explain how he’d been by my apartment a few times in the past month hoping to “accidently” run into me. I mentioned that seemed a bit stalkerish. He just laughed…OK I wasn’t joking though.

By the conclusion of a very long emotionally taxing conversation he asked two still up in the air questions…do I still care about him….could I consider being just friends?

These are interesting queries even in their own simplicity.

Do I still care about him…on some level I guess I still do care even though what and how everything happened made me extremely mad. Over the last month, I’ve moved past my anger yet underneath it lay the pieces of something. Defining that something isn’t as easy given the history of events. Not to mention regardless of his level of contact he is still in fact married. Married men, do not pass go do not collect $200, point blank period….right?

Are there shades of gray here…legally separated…no no do not pass go do not collect $200!!

Could I consider being just friends….not sure if that’s even feasible. It’s hard for me to imagine us chilaxing over old episodes of Law & Order without some tension. In general it would be rather difficult not to slip into old patterns of behavior with him based on our prior relationship. It’s only natural hence so many folk causally sexing their exes, don’t act like I’m the only one!

Sometimes it does just happen!

Not to mention my male friends are all up and between my dating life and I’m all up and between theirs with reckless abandon…this wouldn’t be an option given his admitted “feelings for me.” I won’t pretend I would want to hear his sloppy vagina conquests any more than he would want to hear about casual hook ups and bad dates. Something about it doesn’t hold water for me…and just seems all types of wrong.

Outside of him carting me to and from the airport for business travel I don’t see where our lives would ever need to interface. To be honest we don’t exactly play in the same sandbox professionally or personally. We had a chance meeting, an interesting borderline manic relationship and maybe that is just that!

9 Pardon My French:

ReformingGeek said...

Yep. Travelling for work is not it's all cracked up to be. Hang in there!

Melinda said...

I have been bicoastal for the past 7 years and so I really do understand your pain of traveling. What a hassle it is!

This was such an intriguing story--and it reminded me (a lot) of a would be relationship I had (or missed). I still cannot figure out if that was a good thing . . .


La'Tonya Richardson said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
La'Tonya Richardson said...

Okay, I had to delete and repost. I made a serious grammar mistake!

Nope, there are no gray areas, seperated is still legally married. I think you're thinking very clearly when it comes to being friends. And it sounds like he's trying to be smart. Sneak in on friend mode, and then flip the switch.

THE GUYS said...

He sounds like a scoundrel. Sorry.

Let's back up. Yes, he may be telling you the truth. He and his wife are separated and estranged, blah, blah, blah......the dude lied to you. (We're coming in late here)

That's no way to start any type of relationship. Honesty and open communication are vital to making any relationship work.

Just an FYI: When a guy asks to be friends, he's just hoping for more. Otherwise he'd be long gone. Just our experience.

cardiogirl said...

I know this is easier to say since I'm light years away from this situation physically and emotionally.


Run for the hills.

Run, Forrest, RUN!


Gosh, I had the perfect comment typed out, then my wireless went apeshit...

in short. He's still married.

a lil home away from home eye candy may help you take your mind off the travel thing, or atleast make it a lil easier...

and lol @ it was so quiet on the other side of the telephone I could hear hair growing....really? What does it sound like????

Chaotically Calm said...

@Reforming, thanks much

@Melinda, Sometimes business travel is great you get to see new places and meet new people yada yada yada. On the opposite side of that is missing time with family and friends.

It doesn't feel all that intriguing...the control freak inside me wants to get a handle on this thing but every time I think I have the upper hand it goes all haywire.

@La'Tonya, yeah I can see the writing on the wall but I am having a hard time accepting that writing. I feel myself being really really weak...hard to admit.

@The Guys, I know he's sticking around hoping I let him back in...and I totally hear you any relationship has to be built on trust...

@Cardio, you're so right it's always easier said than done...

@Diva, damn that modern technology...but I hear what everyone is saying...Married is Married...but people get divorced all the time right???

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